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A mere 5 weeks after the fact, it's finally here – a comprehensive run-down of everything that Gav and Joe got up to at our favouite awards ceremony, The Kebabbies. Marvel as we almost get turned away, gasp at Gav's reactions to those who don't share his political leanings, and turn off in horror as you realise the depths of Joe's betrayal. Steve a…
 
We're sorry, but this is not the hotly anticipated kebab awards episode. That's happening next week now. There was a small legal issue we had to iron out involving, well, a kebab, naturally, plus so much libel it would make a judge's powder wig whizz out of the courtroom window and fly back to the special bird house where the wig lives with his wig…
 
Make no bones about it, it's episode 466 of the Regular Features podcast. Hey, you in the back there with the bones, what are you making? A diorama of the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand? Oh okay. You're definitely not making bones about this episode are you? No? Oh yes, we see the little motorcade of femurs now, and it's very clever how …
 
Three men enter the arena. Three men leave. It's fine in the arena. Nothing bad happens. One man has an ache in his shoulder, but he had that before he went into the arena. He thinks he may have slept on it. Good arena!HEY. In this episode, Log hypnotises a nurse into doing a Fred Durst into her frilly blursts. Steve invites you to play for big Squ…
 
In this episode, Log goes hands-on with Superman's newfound sexuality. Steve goes pants-off when his French horn lessons are interrupted by Scream himself. And Gav is open-mouthed as he brings us a thrilling update from the British Kebab Awards.Do you mind taking your shoes off when you're listening to the podcast? We've just hoovered.…
 
Giddy up, bucko, because it's another episode of this freakin' thing we do. In this one, Steve's Discord account got hacked by spooks. Log is going to reclaim his rightful title of Lord-or-Lady of the Dance. And Joe debuts the latest instalment in the long running series of interactive sports experiences about squaaaangular momentum.What are you st…
 
As we have done every year for the last 9 years, Gav and Joe are sitting down for an extensive, exhaustive, extremely good talk through this year's British Kebab Awards. Who will win chef of the year? Why is there no garlic/chilli award? Will Alfred Molina endorse us? All of this and more in a very special episode of Regular Kebabs.…
 
As people who absolutely freakin' love magpies always say: one for joy, two for joy, three for joy, four for joy, five for joy, six for joy, seven for joy, eight for joy. Nine? Ah what the heck, that's for joy that is. Ten is also for joy, why not. And eleven to boot! Twelve... hmm, best not get greedy. But for joy. Teehee. Twelve is for joy too, j…
 
There's no time to waste. In this episode Joe concocts his very own VHS cassette horror anthology. Steve reports his very own fading feature memories. And Log purports his very own sock tipperies and trickories. Is that even what purports means? There's literally no time to google "define purports". I'm sorry, we really have to get on with this. He…
 
What if you dragged a big wet carrier bag full of lukewarm biryani to a concert? What if you had a nice time at a spa? What if you watched yet another Marvel TV show in the hope that maybe this one, THIS one, might be good?Only Regular Features can answer all three questions at once in a big sexy booming voice to make your guts quiver. Oh boy, let'…
 
Get this reader on the table, we need to operate NOW! Nurse, pass me a syringe full of Matt forgetting if he's ever owned a watch. I'm going to make a two-inch incision and insert Joe griping about his comedy heroes being sad about death. WE'RE LOSING THEM. We're going to have to do it- Nurse, I understand your reservations but we have to no TIME. …
 
The three original feature boys return for a very special reunion episode, never to be repeated, just like that time The Beatles went up on the roof and refused to come down until Linda McCartney invented frozen vegan sausages.Matt revisits his thoughts on Torchwood. Log treats us to a high-defintion re-release of some half-remembered Steve-on-Matt…
 
This week Gav's been combing the Discord for #content - something which he swears he won't be doing again. Meanwhile Log's addresses a pretty nasty complaint we've had and Joe has been called up to jury duty or JOEry duty, if you will. Actually...no...it's jury duty. Sorry. Our mistake. If you'd like to join the Discord then get involved on Patreon…
 
According to the big Regular Features egg-timer on the roof, it's been exactly ten years since we invented podcasting. To celebrate, we've given ourselves a facelift. The unparalleled Sonny Ross has created new podcast art. The Patreon has an exciting new tier. And as for us? Well, we're only speaking in Spanish from now on.Por favor... www.patreon…
 
The snap of the magnet releasing its psychic grip, the brief peel of tacky rubber, the delighted squeak of the hinges, a rush of cold air, a waft of something green, the chemical tinge of a bad houmous, a row of eggs watches on. This is it baby, you've opened the fridge for a look.In this episode, Log opens his fridge for a look. Steve visits the o…
 
Have you ever wondered how we learned how to do all of our incredible comedy accents? Well in this episode, we'll teach you how! Log is offering every reader a free taster of our five day accent school, which will turn YOU from a "croikey doikey wadda crocodile mister" into a "hey I slappa da calzone outta ya mouth if you don make-a de waltzer go f…
 
In this hot little potato wedge of an episode, Joe remembers what it was like back before politics and games journalists ruined E3 and it was all about good, old fashioned eggs. Matt remembers what it was like when it when a hundred million Pikmin were crushed underneath a Ronaldo. And Steve, in an audacious act of sabotage, simply deletes his thir…
 
Want to feel old? Put your dad's big shoes on and walk around the house saying "where did I put my mortgage in this, the year 1978". Then listen to Gav discuss the finer points of classic survival-comedy Castaway, which was released in 2000 and challenged a pre-9/11 America to wonder what it would be like if Tom Hanks had a big beard. What else? We…
 
I'm on a secret pirate island now, sorry!! Sorry everyone.In this one, Steve gets his coronavirus vaccination. Joe, desperate to keep up with Steve's trailblazing lifestyle, gets HIS vaccination too. Then Log launches a Regular Features podcast network, just to keep you on your toes.Bassa Island Game Loop by Kevin MacLeodLink: https://incompetech.f…
 
Pfft, schedules are for idiots. We've switched to releasing new episodes at random intervals, so you never know when you're gonna get slapped around the ears with our demanding, wet voices. (Sorry, things have been especially intense these past two weeks, please bear with us while we arrange our disorderly ducks).In this one, Joe Skrebels debases h…
 
Picture yourself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Now imagine it's a speedboat, and you've broken every maritime law there is, and you're on the run from the boat police. Now stop, calm down. None of this is happening, and you're listening to Regular Features actually.Log has written his own pub menu app, and Gav is g…
 
Hello and welcome to the description of the podcast. If you'll take a look to your left, you'll see that Log's erected a top 10 of people in his pub - he says it's not a feature but it's got a backing track and everything. To your right, you'll notice that Joe has sold his feature slot to the highest bidder, and what a bloody bidder it is. Up the s…
 
Houston, we have a problem. The problem is that three guys came in and made some yuk-yuks in mission control and now we got a whole 'sploded Cape Canaveral. What were the yuk-yuks? Well, a guy called Gav told us about how a popular podcasting service stole his data and tried to make a quick buck. Then another guy, Log, he brought a buddy in to talk…
 
We interrupt your regularly scheduled features to bring you this very special report about a prince.The music "Raving Energy" which appears in the nightclub scene where we're all dancing and having fun when we find out Prince Philip is dead is by artist Kevin MacLeod.Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/5029-raving-energyLicense: https://fil…
 
In this very special episode of Regular Features, we tackle the real issues facing our societies todays, what are named of: kayak mishaps, duck tits, Channel 4 anchors, a jungle disease (red flower), some guys who live in a bed even way after they're dead, and what to do about a Tim Allen.Excuse me, but please save your laughs for another episode, …
 
Sure, you've all heard about how that big boat got wedged. Yawn! But have you also heard that Gav was mildly traumatised by an intractable camera man? No, because the "news" don't want you to know about it. In this week's tell all episode, Gav reveals how an impudent videographer shook him to his core, and Steve handles the boat business.Alright le…
 
I once said boo to a goose and it laid an egg, and inside the egg was a piece of paper, and on the paper there was a joke. "Q: What do you get if you cross a camel with a goose? A: Goose bumps." Naturally I was furious for having had my time wasted on this nonsense goose whimsy, but by the time I looked up the goose had fled. The bad joke was a def…
 
What is the Gorbo Vibe? If you have to ask, it's not for you. And if you don't have to ask, well you come across as aloof and so it's also not for you, sorry. I don't make the rules.In this ep (short for episode), Gavin starts running but runs straight into a problem with smartwatches. And Steve unlocks the power of Gorbo Powder using a big key he …
 
I'm writing this in the bath, so I'll be brief. In this episode, Steve reports on how the newest Martian rover narrowly avoided wasp-induced catastrophe. Joe reveals he is Sia's honest-to-goodness cousin and demands access to his rightful family fortune. And Log has gone koo-koo bananas for the latest Yakuza game for the games computer.Whoops I got…
 
A rolling stone gathers no moss, but you know what it does gather? A lot of freaking attention that's what. And the last thing we want is the police snooping around here.In this episode, Log focuses his powerful forgiveness beams onto the back of your hand until you yelp in pain. Steve uncovers the oddly dimensioned zombies Capcom refuses to includ…
 
Tuck in your elbows, lock eyes with the person you love the most, and then hurl yourself out of the nearest window, because it's time for another episode of the Regular Features podcast. In this one. Log gets a visit from his good friend Eartha Kitt. Steve takes you on a saucy Loyd Grossman adventure. Joe shares an old family recipe. And Gav emits …
 
Rare meat raves. Pick and mix mince raffles. Room temperature offal sermons. Pig gristle quinceañeras. They all have one thing in common: they are ground zero for the aching bone rot known only as gout. Log's got it, and he's here to send us on a special quest to track down and gargle his favourite offcuts.Then. THEN. Steve tries to understand the …
 
Elegance. Charm. Big moustache. Poise. Intellect. Their very own pizza oven. Grace. Wit. These are the qualities we look for in an Italian chef, and we will settle for nothing less. What? Oh, we also did a podcast. Mamma mia.Steve delivers what he promises to be his very last feature about teeth. Log codes an algorithm that can generate four petaby…
 
Hey now, what's that sound, everybody look, it's a new episode of the podcast. What happens in this one? I'm so glad you asked. Steve composes his very own Cyberpunk 2077 mission. Joe escapes into the fantastic world of the Lemon Pibwobs. And Log hires a mediator to address recent bullying concerns on the podcast.Now if you don't mind. I've got to …
 
Strap in readers, as we carousel into the new year with a mildly irresponsible and Disaronno-fuelled special episode of Regular Features. Can we perform our features before Old Lazy Booze kisses us goodnight? Let's find out.FEATURES: Steve is interrupted by a very fussy guest. Gav tries to pawn a dirty goblin's ring. And Log has been to the opticia…
 
Nadolig Llawen, Nollaig Shona Daoibh, Happy Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanza to all of our beloved multi-faith and faithless reads.In this rare FOUR BOY EPISODE, Joe is visited by a very shy old acquaintance with a guitar. Steve learns the horrible truth about what's up with all the bees. And Log successfully hosts an entire Punch and Judy show while…
 
Gav takes matters into his own hands to catch a local parcel thief. Steve invites you into the vice-addled underworld of investment banking. And Log reports live from a tide of puppies.NOTES: Steve incorrectly states that Lena Dunham wrote Industry. While Dunham directed the first episode, the show is in fact created by Mickey Down and Konrad Kay. …
 
Joe screams and howls until flying kicks are reinstated in society. Steve brings you a hands-on preview of the new PlayStation. And Log embarks on an journey right up Joe's, well, umm, how else can we put this, penois. Well, let's not waste any more time. The quicker we start the quicker we're done and we can all get back into bed.…
 
This episode entitles you to one free yacht, redeemable at your nearest marina. Log will tell you everything you need to know to get the most out of your new boat. Then Joe will unravel his own misapprehensions about what a bird is descended from. Then we'll break for lunch, have a think about what we've all done, and come back for more juice.Love …
 
Do you ever get that thing where you're just about to fall asleep and you suddenly feel yourself falling and you jerk yourself awake again? That's us, giving you a little goodnight kiss. Sorry, we just can't help ourselves!In this episode, Log dreams up an entire Steve feature. Steve is sick and tired of Specsavers sending him letters about his unt…
 
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