Podcasts sobre Sex/porn Addiction

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The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Gary McFarlane

5

114

2d ago2d ago

Semanal

Helping you better understand Sex, Porn & Love Addiction; guiding you through the neuroscience of the brain and sharing what we now better understand about the brain's involvement, from childhood development. To help you effect change; find the real authentic you (whose truth self went off at a tangent in childhood); so that as you discover and become re-acquainted with the real you, having learnt to like yourself, you are equipped to be the best that you can be.Maximise the living of an inc ...

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RecoverU | Betrayal Trauma, Sex Addiction Support, Betrayal Recovery, Reconciliation, Porn Addiction Recovery

NLP master life coach, Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coach, FDN-P

3

106

6d ago6d ago

Semanal

RecoverU is a podcast where we talk about sex addiction, betrayal trauma, mental, emotional and physical health, faith, and anything and everything needed to RecoverU to your most authentic self that God created you to be.

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show series

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Sex Addict - Recovery work does not have to be for life, but.... 9:23

2d ago9:23

9:23

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Relapse Prevention tools are for life. Why? Because the neural Pathway that was opened, created and practised for many years, is dominant, but has the potential to be reactivated in an instant. It is easier to reactivate it and it becoming larger than life, fo…

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103 - Recognizing and Releasing Destructive Patterns for the Addict and Betrayed 48:03

6d ago48:03

48:03

It’s always easier to identify negative patterns in someone else. In today’s episode, Kylene shares four common patterns that can show up in both the addicted partner and the betrayed partner — but in different ways: Qualifying and Comparing Using Absolutes like “Always” and “Never” Looking Outward Instead of Inward Dehumanizing Thoughts or Behavio…

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Sometimes you have to just R.U.N for your life - from Sex Addiction 10:05

11d ago10:05

10:05

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre When all your Recovery Programme tools, skills and resources are not coming to your aid - have failed you - just R.U.N. There are times when all else fails and R.U.N really is the last option available to you in that moment. Don't debate with yourself; don't r…

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102 - Supporting Your Betrayed Partner: 4 Tools That Will Help You Help Her 22:40

13d ago22:40

22:40

In today's episode, Patrick shares four ways a recovering addict can show up for their betrayed partner while demonstrating consistency, sincerity and healing: Make an effort to understand Focus on your own healing Practice your responses Don't seek her external validation We often mention the "Help Her Heal" workbook and encourage you to utilize t…

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"You're such a liar brain": Who, me? Sex Addiction? 8:47

18d ago8:47

8:47

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre 'Brain, I'm telling you - you don't fight fair. Underhand. Dirty. I'm trying to do this for us. Are you listening to me?' I do a strange thing with everyone of my Sex Addiction clients. Multi-talented as I am, I do brain surgery on each one. (Mine is a bit cru…

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101 - 3 Tools Every Betrayed Partner Can Use Today! 41:23

20d ago41:23

41:23

Erin Stretar (pronounced Streeter) shares three powerful tools she recommends to all her clients navigating betrayal recovery in this week’s RecoverU episode. Discover how journaling, self-soothing techniques, and building a strong support system can empower your healing journey. Erin provides practical tips and real-life applications you can start…

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Sex Addicts - your brain is not always your best friend 9:23

25d ago9:23

9:23

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Undistort your Cognitive Distortions. How? What are Cognitive Distortions? Examples might be: 'All guys do it', 'At least I am no longer visiting porn sites', 'I'll only be on here for 5 minutes, no longer', 'What I do, is not as bad as...', 'What an horrendou…

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100 - Using a Polygraph for Recovery - What You Need to Know 58:20

27d ago58:20

58:20

In this episode, Kylene and Patrick walk through how to use a polygraph (lie detector test) as part of recovery, reconciliation and trust building after betrayal and discovery. Some questions they answer are: Why use a polygraph? How to find a polygrapher What to look for in a polygrapher- interview questions to consider Best practices for creating…

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Negative Core Beliefs sabotage Sex Addiction Recovery 10:20

1M ago10:20

10:20

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Negative Core Beliefs are often hidden from view. Often disguised; but masquerade as truths. They live in the unconscious. Not easily touchable. They work away in the hidden place doing their worst. They are uninvited guests. They have over stayed their invita…

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99 - 4 Years After Discovery 13:49

1M ago13:49

13:49

Congratulations to Patrick on 4 years in recovery! I'm so proud of you.In this episode, Kylene briefly shares what it feels like to be hitting the 4 year mark of recovery together, and why the intense and purposeful effort they made has truly been worth it. If you are a betrayed partner and would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support…

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98 - Divorce After Betrayal? You are not alone. How to Navigate it with Strength. 33:25

1M ago33:25

33:25

Divorce feels similar to being widowed. You've lost your partner, you've lost the life and the future you thought you had, and you experience a significant amount of grief. Divorce after betrayal can feel isolating and overwhelming. This is why Kim Hansen Petroni has written her workbook: "Not a Casserole Widow" to provide education and cultivate s…

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Those with Sex Addiction - Cognitive comes before the behaviour 9:38

1M ago9:38

9:38

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Create new thinking to change the behaviour. How? A step at a time, to re-wire the brain. Create new Neural Pathways progressively over time. What is this thing called Neural Pathways? The hamster wheel patterns of behaviours. Those habits. The programming so …

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97 - Living the Fruit: Why the Fruits of the Spirit are Important During Recovery 49:03

1M ago49:03

49:03

Life can be stressful on its own, but navigating recovery after addiction and betrayal adds layers of tension, overwhelming emotions, and uncertainty. In today’s episode, Kylene and Patrick explore how the fruits of the Spirit can serve as a powerful self-reflection tool to guide growth and healing in your recovery journey. By focusing on cultivati…

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Triggers are potholes for Porn Addicts 9:30

2M ago9:30

9:30

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre A poem by Portia Nelson, published in her book There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery Verse I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find…

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96 - Sobriety vs. Recovery, What's the Difference? 54:58

2M ago54:58

54:58

Is there a difference between sobriety and recovery? Is recovery just a longer version of sobriety? In this episode of RecoverU Kylene and Patrick share their perspective on the differences between sobriety and recovery and the type of actions and behaviors it takes to move into a life of recovery, and ultimately freedom, after a life of sex or por…

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Triggers may be an ally, not a foe - Sex Addiction clients! 10:11

2M ago10:11

10:11

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Triggers are a clue to our dissociated Traumas - So says Carolyn Spring in Part 2 of her article on Managing Triggers: https://www.carolynspring.com/blog/we-have-two-choices-when-triggered/ The past events that we want to avoid thinking about or confronting, m…

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95 - Choosing Who You Want to be so You Don't Stay Stuck in 2025 46:44

2M ago46:44

46:44

Feeling stuck and not sure how to move forward? In today’s episode, Kylene and Patrick discuss choosing who you want to be so you don’t stay stuck in 2025. They provide five practical tips and actionable resources to help you align with your values and vision for the future. Their approach emphasizes digging deeper than surface-level goals, empower…

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Triggers don't play fair in the Sex Addicts world 8:00

2M ago8:00

8:00

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Triggers don't play fair. They are often unpredictable (like a music track which comes on) and moves you from chilled to a fight to maintain sobriety. So underhand. Not a nice play partner. Carolyn Spring talks about the aftermaths of Triggers, from the sense …

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Sex Addicts - turning off Fight/Flight/Freeze response - ain't an option 11:30

2M ago11:30

11:30

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre The cave man/cave woman response of Fight/Flight/Freeze, is alive and well. Don't beat your brain up too badly. It is just doing what it was designed to do to protect you. The options it chooses or gravitates to, are at times, rather dubious and for Sex Addict…

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More Neuroscience from some very clever clogs - for Sex Addiction folks 10:52

2M ago10:52

10:52

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Let me not re-invent the wheel in this episode. There are some really clever people who say it better than me (even if rather brain hurtingly academical)! Read this Article: The impact of the digital revolution on human brain and behavior: where do we stand? L…

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94 - Reflection & Projection - A personal exercise for continued growth at the end of the year 19:48

3M ago19:48

19:48

Do you feel discouraged in your recovery journey? We encourage you to take some time to reflect on the past year. Often, when we feel stuck or frustrated, if we compare where we are today to where we were 6 months ago, or a year ago, we have a better perspective of how far we've truly come! the end of the year offers us a natural point to review wh…

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Sex Addiction Neuroscience stuff - lush knowledge!....I think! 9:27

3M ago9:27

9:27

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre There is a correlation between Sex Addiction and ADHD. When faced with 'danger' on a daily basis (even whilst in the womb!), healthy brain development is derailed and impeded. The area in the brain called the Amygdala (the smoke alarm for danger), increase in …

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93 - Feeling Disconnected? A Quick Conversation Starter for Couples During the Holidays 13:50

3M ago13:50

13:50

Do you and your partner feel LESS connected when things get busy? Do you notice that you have less time for each other and fewer conversations? Communication is a top priority during recovery and we want to encourage you to prioritize it MORE when you're busy, tired or stressed instead of less. When we get busy and communicate less, it becomes a br…

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Brain stuff - that isn't boring for the Porn Addict 9:49

3M ago9:49

9:49

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre I like this article by Luke Gilkerson (as long ago as 2012), when he interviewed a Neuroscientist called Dr William Struthers - author of the book "How pornograpghy Hijacks the male brain" Dr Struthers explains what hormones and neurotransmitters are involved …

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92 - Having Trouble Declining Invitations? 3 Polite Ways to Say No This Holiday Season 12:08

3M ago12:08

12:08

Are you a people pleaser? Saying NO is hard, and we can feel extra pressure around the holidays. In today's episode, Kylene and Patrick offer 3, succinct and specific ways to politely decline invitations if you need some extra down time for recovery. If you are a betrayed partner and would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, pleas…

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Attachment Styles is a big deal in Sex/Porn/Love Addiction 8:43

3M ago8:43

8:43

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Remember, you cannot change what you cannot see and don't understand. Even when you can better see the problem and understand it, does not mean that you can change it - quickly. Insecure Attachment behaviours is one such pattern, which needs to be understood -…

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91 - Feeling Stressed? Three Ways to Support Your Mind & Body Through Betrayal 38:54

3M ago38:54

38:54

Discovery is one of the most stressful experiences for both the sex/porn addict and the betrayed partner. Stress takes a significant toll on the body in this episode Kylene breaks down how stress impacts the body and 3 specific pillars of support we can bring in to support our mental and physical health through recovery. Kylene has some links below…

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Love Addicts hate themselves - but don't tell 7:19

3M ago7:19

7:19

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Love Addiction is often a response to Insecure Attachment. It looks like it is about sex and chasing sexual outlets, but it isn't really about sex - as the core desire. It is an attempt to gain a sense of 'being wanted', 'being a part of...','accepted', 'owned…

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90 - How can my husband love me, and be a sex/porn addict? 41:50

3M ago41:50

41:50

Are you a betrayed partner who has asked the question - how could my husband engage in such hurtful behaviors and still love me? If so, you're not alone! In this episode Kylene and Patrick talk about how this questions is really a form of communicating the pain that has been caused, the feelings of insecurity, the fear of comparison, and the reiter…

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'Insecure Attachment' = Detachment, Rejection, Loss, Let go of - to Sex/Porn/Love Addicts 8:29

4M ago8:29

8:29

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre The Insecure 'ATTACHMENT' label does not describe accurately, what is really in the can with this label on it! It is exactly the opposite. It typically is set up in the early childhood development years. Often, they are experiences which you can't readily or e…

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89 - I have so much Anxiety - What do I do? 51:38

4M ago51:38

51:38

Are you stuck in an anxiety loop after betrayal? If so, you are NOT alone. Anxiety is one of the primary emotions that surface after discovering your husband is a sex or porn addict. Not sure if you feel anxious? In this episode Kylene and Patrick break down some signs and symptoms of anxiety, why safety is important, and how we can support our hea…

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Sex/Porn/Love Addiction is used to meet depleted Core Emotional Needs 12:41

4M ago12:41

12:41

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre There are three ways in which we try to get our Core Emotional Needs met. Meeting Core emotional needs is not negotiable. They want to be met and kept filled up at high levels. The reality, however, is that life takes a toll upon us and Core Emotional Needs de…

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88 - I'm so MAD! When anger is healthy, when it's not, and how to process it! 50:42

4M ago50:42

50:42

My husband CHEATED - so it's ok to be angry right? I'm so ANGRY and I just can't get over it. I will never get over it. I'm not allowed to be angry - it's a sin. Anger is a natural emotion and an important feeling to be respected and acknowledged. However, when left unchecked it can turn into bitterness and it can begin to take control of your life…

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The antidote to Narcissism for Sex Addicts, is Empathy 9:27

4M ago9:27

9:27

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Narcissism and Empathy (like same poles of a magnet) cannot co-exist together in the same space. They repel each other. Likewise, they cannot co-exist in the same person at equally high levels. Either they will have a high level of Narcissistic traits and a lo…

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87 - 3 Lies That Can Keep Us Stuck 1:01:57

4M ago1:01:57

1:01:57

I can do this on my own! They hurt me, therefore I can hurt them. Porn isn't infidelity! In today's episode, Kylene and Patrick address these 3 lies. Both recovering addicts and betrayed partners can get caught up in these beliefs and it can dramatically impact long term healing. Let's shift these beliefs together to find deep, long lasting freedom…

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Narcissistic - who? Not me! - just because of sex Addiction! 10:25

4M ago10:25

10:25

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Don't go looking up the term on Google and it spewing out a whole heap of stuff that blinds you and gets your back up! I am not suggesting Sex/Porn/Love Addicts are a Narcissists - Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - is one of the most difficult mental H…

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86 - When Will My Spouse Get Over My Betrayal? Living Amends 44:32

4M ago44:32

44:32

Are you a recovering sex/porn addict who is frustrated that your spouse still has questions about your previous behavior? Or maybe you are a betrayed spouse who has brought up a trigger only to be replied to with "when will you get over this? Why is this still coming up for you?" All couples navigating recovery long for the day when they will never…

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SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTION 9:17

5M ago9:17

9:17

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTION. Too simplistic? Maybe, but it is a good place to start, if you want to better understand the reason for the activities - as an outlet for Shame & Narcissism. Try hard to come out from under the umbrella of covering that Sham…

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85 - 4 Questions to Deepen Intimacy during Recovery 44:28

5M ago44:28

44:28

How can I connect more deeply with my partner - especially after betrayal? Communication is the foundation for life long intimacy and growth with your partner. AND it happens to be one of the top struggles most couples have. In today's episode, Kylene and Patrick suggest 4 questions to discuss with your partner to open conversation and to connect m…

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"SHAME on you" - are particularly triggering, toxic & impactful words to Sex Addicts 8:51

5M ago8:51

8:51

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Shame is set up in childhood. Life is unfair. Yep. The presence of shame is a particularly powerful driver for sexual addiction. Shame means “to hide” and is a hidden companion of Narcissism. SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTION Shame is the painful feeling of b…

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84 - Difficulties and Benefits of True Intimacy after Betrayal 43:34

5M ago43:34

43:34

INTIMACY? or sex? Are they the same? How can you reconnect intimately with your partner if they have hurt you in the past? For many partners, true intimacy (into -me-you-see) is first established through the recovery journey as they learn new skills for communication, trust, empathy and connection together. Intimacy requires safety and sex addictio…

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Scapegoating can go on for only so long - folks with Sex Addiction! 6:54

5M ago6:54

6:54

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Scapegoating can go on for only so long. Then a need to accept responsibility for adult choices. The Kairos Centre do an extensive History Taking to build a profile understanding of the adult, impacted by childhood development issues. The feedback hypothesis c…

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83 - Empathy From and FOR the Betrayed and Addicted 1:11:37

5M ago1:11:37

1:11:37

What is empathy? At its core, it's the ability to understand someone else's experience and perspective. When a couple chooses to stay together, empathy is a critical skill for both individuals to learn. YES it's learnable! We must practice things that don't come naturally before they become second nature. In today's episode, Kylene and Patrick disc…

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Don't forget the partner - in the Sex Addiction Recovery Journey 7:05

5M ago7:05

7:05

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre He “caused” our problems and yet once again the focus and everyone’s attention is on him. The family income is being used by him again for his benefit, on top of the spend he has already enjoyed on his addiction. It’s just not fair. I am left here with his stu…

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82 - What Now? - FAQs for the Betrayed Partner 55:35

5M ago55:35

55:35

Betrayal HURTS and it feels overwhelming. Today, Kylene answers some of the most common questions a betrayed partner may have after discovering that her husband is a sex or porn addict. Questions like: Is it possible to heal and if so, HOW? What does the process of reconciliation look like? How long does recovery take? Can I speed it up? What do I …

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It isn't all about me - this thing of Sex Addiction Recovery 10:41

6M ago10:41

10:41

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre If you are in a partnered relationship, re-build integrity with yourself by signing a 'Couples Recovery Plan'. Recovery - in a partnered relationship - is about the partnership, not only about your recovery at all. Your signature on the 'Couples Recovery Plan'…

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81 - 4 Challenges to Forgiving After Betrayal - Understanding the Hurdles 44:39

6M ago44:39

44:39

Forgiveness after betrayal? What keeps us stuck from moving forward with forgiveness? In today's episode, Kylene and Patrick define forgiveness, discuss different types of forgiveness, and what might keep us stuck from moving forward with forgiveness. Is it always appropriate to forgive? Or is there a right time? Do I always have to tell the person…

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Give back control brain: Then I won't need porn 9:03

6M ago9:03

9:03

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre The ability to quickly recognize fearful situations and other emotional signals, may be critical to survival, as it enables us to detect potential threats. The amygdala is believed to play a central role in these processes. The amygdala is a small, almond-shap…

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80 - Renewed by Grace: A Journey of Healing and Leadership with Nick and Michelle Stumbo 57:27

6M ago57:27

57:27

Is it possible for GOOD to come from all the pain of sex addiction and betrayal trauma? Nick and Michelle Stumbo are examples of how good CAN come from the pain we have experienced. A former pastor and now head of Pure Desire ministries, Nick shares his personal story of transformation along with his wife Michelle who talks about what it was like b…

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Some replacement positive self-soothing Hamster wheel tools for Sex/Porn Addiction 8:02

6M ago8:02

8:02

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre They are called the 4 Elements tools - which I teach my EMDR ("trauma") clients. These self-soothing - much more healthy and positive impacting (but still are hamster wheel/repetitive/habit/neural pathway activities) - become the new "go-to" practices. In othe…

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