Hello, my child. This is your MOTHER speaking. Don’t believe me? Well, if I weren’t your MOTHER, then how would I know how many times I dropped you on your head, or how upset I was when the abortionist told me you were too far along to purge from my unwilling womb? There, there, now. Don’t cry. MOTHER IS HERE. And she has many special stories she wants to tell you. Fantasy epics, inbred debauchery, unicorns, dead children. So rest your head, little one, and let MOTHER tell you a story.