Does Your Narcissistic Ex Miss You?

But Still, She Thrives - Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Grey Rock Method, Healthy Boundaries, Childhood Abuse, Trauma Healing

Does Your Narcissist Ex Miss you? When you go no contact, or they dispose of you, are narcissists capable of missing you? Listen to this podcast episode to get the answer!

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TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Last episode we talked about going no contact. So I thought, well, why not talk about does your ex narcissist, whether it's romantic friend, family, do they miss you? So we're gonna touch on that in today's episode.
Speaker 1: (00:17)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind F girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Are you feeling lost after post narcissistic abuse? I'm your girl. I got you. This is my specialty. Go check out ways to work with me at www.christyjade.com. Click on work with me and find all fun ways you can work with me, whether it's one-on-one coaching or a prerecorded boundaries course.
Speaker 1: (01:38)
I have had this question come up a lot. Does my narcissist ex whatever? Miss me. First of all, why do we wonder that? Because a good narcissist loves to keep us wondering, right? And we also know that they don't really function like healthy humans. So we get very confused by their emotions, by their communication. So they're confusing beings. We are left with many, many questions, aren't we? But I would love to clear this question up for you today. Okay, so do they miss you? It is somewhat of a complicated answer, but I'm gonna break it down. We are going to use an analogy. Yay. It's analogy time. Alright, we are going to compare this to a drug addict. Their drug and their dealer. You my friend, were their dealer. The energy they sucked out of you to build themselves up. The control they needed was their drug and they are the addict.
Speaker 1: (02:30)
So though this hurt me a lot to hear, and I know it hurts people when I talk to my clients about it, it's hurt. It's really hurtful, but it's something once you break through the pain of that, it's like such a relief and really empowering and helps you on your healing journey. But honestly, the narcissist, the drug addict, they don't miss the dealer. They don't miss you. They miss what you provided them, okay? You provided them the control they needed the energy they sucked out of you, right? For their own energy feed. You know, if you have studied narcissism, you know what I'm talking about. So the life they sucked out of you and to build themselves up, right? They miss that. They don't miss you as a person. And of course they miss how you made it easier to get their drug. But once they get a new dealer, let's say they move on in a relationship or if it's a friendship, you'll see they quickly move on to new people.
Speaker 1: (03:26)
That is a common thing with narcissists. Then they will dispose or stop coming after you, right? Because you know right away they freak out. They're like, oh my drug, my drug, I need my drug. Where's my dealer? And so they will claw you trying to get you back. They will try everything. They will try manipulation, they will try sweetness and flowers and cookies. Was that just me? And then they will get mad if you're not responding to it, not giving them what they want. And they will get angry. I mean, they try guilt trips. They try everything right in the beginning when you disconnect. It is very difficult. But if they get a new quote supply, as we call it that they can supply, deal them their drug, they will forget about you. That's if you get off lucky, it'll be a nice clean break.
Speaker 1: (04:11)
That's not often the case, but it can happen. So not to say it lasts forever. They may have a split from their new dealer and come back weeks, months, even years later, looking to see if you can give them what you need. If you're still there, if you, if they still have control of you and they will dress it up like it is you and that you are special. And I wanna stop and take a moment and say, you are special. You're a very special, beautiful flower, but you are not special to them. And that is the part that's like, ooh, I know it hurts. So I want you to repeat. I want like your hand on your heart and say I am special , okay? And we're getting cheesy here. I don't care because I want you to feel that you are special just because you're not special to them that means nothing.
Speaker 1: (04:53)
They don't know how to treat people, right? Nobody's special to them. It has nothing to do with you. They're incapable of appreciating special people. They're incapable of loving the way we do. Okay? So it's nothing to do with you. So I do just wanna stop and let you feel that and know that you are special. And it, that part has nothing to do with you, okay? They don't work like rational, healthy humans who know how to appreciate and love. Okay? So it's all about control to them. I actually have a little story, story time and Christie, this is just an example of how they do move on and get new supply. And then they, whether or not they have it or not like it, it might be kind of working but not as easy to get as it was from you. Maybe look, I'm an empath.
Speaker 1: (05:39)
Oh my heart strings, forget it. You, you get me with nostalgia. I'm yours. I'm putty in your hands, right? So one of my narcissists knew this about me, right? And I don't know if he had new supply or not, but probably a year or two after we disconnected, they reached out. I had not learned about narcissism. I didn't know really the whole situation. I knew it was toxic. I got out of it, but I didn't know it on a deeper level. And so I did fall prey again, okay? A little story time that not so proud of, but this can be part of our journey, right? So they had forgotten about me, but then they reached out out of nowhere saying they missed me and please could we get together? I had been so strong for so long, moved on and I think they doubted I would, right?
Speaker 1: (06:28)
But they were just testing. And I had a moment, I had a weak moment. I said, well maybe just for a short little friend leave, is it right? I asked when and what do you know? They said, ah, I'm actually pretty busy the next few months, few months . Okay? So in an instant though, a light bulb went off in my head and it, and it was hurtful, but it also was like, ah ha. And that's when I started to see this isn't about me. They didn't really miss me or they would've jumped at the chance. It was they were checking if they had control. I always will say this, right? There's two things narcissists do. They're either trying to get control of you or checking if they still have control of you. So they were checking if they still had it. I proved that, I guess they did have somewhat of control over me, but you know what?
Speaker 1: (07:17)
They could have it. I was so excited to be released , because they turn around, right? And were like, oh, I got control. Well that's cool. I don't really need to see you. I was just checking. So then basically it's another disposal. But I was there for it because I realized this is all about control. And now here's the proof, here is the proof. I did not feel special. It made me realize, no, they don't miss me. All that they just said is bs. I'm not special to them. And that hurt. But I also knew I was special. I feel like, what's that? Um, was that Saturday night Live? People like me, I'm special. I don't remember. But anyway, something cheesy that made me laugh years ago. And now I'm 43 in perimenopause and I don't know what's happening anymore in my life, but I do know what's happening with narcissists.
Speaker 1: (08:01)
Thank goodness for that. They don't miss you. They miss their supply or whatever you were giving them that they needed and they may move on and not need you anymore. And that's a really good thing actually. Okay? So I was happy to be released from the web. You know that web of the narcissist, it is sticky, it's awful. And though painful to like kind of know you're not special. It was painful, but it was liberating to realize it was never about me. That actually, as much as it can hurt, it can set you free. So it took time to believe though, just cuz I was not special to a narcissist didn't mean I was not special. I mean, there's a lot of confidence stuff that goes on, guys that we have to deal with, with narcissists. I mean, they do a really damaging job on our self-esteem.
Speaker 1: (08:52)
So it's taken a a while to build that up faster than I thought I could. Though I have gotten to a great spot, I still have my moments. I'm not gonna lie, I still have moments and that's okay. I'm so much better off and more free and more at peace. And it's just so much better on this side of the fence. Like I will, I will take it, I'll take, I'll take those little moments rather than walking every day trying to get validation and walking on eggshells. I know you know what I'm talking about. So, so it took a while to just accept like everyone else in this world, I am special and deserving. And worthy too, right? And I already had people, other people around me that did think I was special and important and valuable, you know? So open your eyes to that too.
Speaker 1: (09:37)
And also when you do disconnect from a narcissist, you do open yourself up and have more time for better people, more uplifting people, people that love you and don't wanna change you often, especially when we have gone through narcissistic abuse, we focus so much on who is not giving us what we need, wanting their validation that we ignore the people that do find us amazing. So does your narcissist ex-spouse, partner, friend, family member miss you? Nope. No. It is always about them and their needs. But you are freaking awesome and special to others and to yourself and to the big man upstairs. What? Yes, if you're a God person, that is important, remind yourself of that every single day if you're not, and be important to you or whatever higher power you feel a part of, because we're not put here to suffer and we are valuable every single one of us.
Speaker 1: (10:41)
So it is time to let go of anybody who makes you question yourself. Anybody? You with me? Good. You need to be appreciated. You are worthy of great things and you are special. You're just one of us Queens. Welcome to the club. All right, see you on the next episode. If you are loving this podcast, but want a little more customized guidance, go to my website at www.christyjade.com and go to the work with me tab to find ways you can work with me. I would love to help you. Also, don't forget to look in the show notes, aka the description of this podcast for any related links that I mention and more. Christyade fun.