Artistry and Generosity in Modern-Day Relationships


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Episode 337: Traver Boehm - - knows men. How they think, what’s behind their behavior, and most importantly — their unique challenges in the modern landscape. Traver is the founder of the UNcivilized Men’s Movement, the fastest growing men’s movement in the world. He is the author of Today I Rise, and Man UNcivilized as well as a two time TEDx speaker, men’s coach and podcaster. Drawing upon an eclectic background ranging from professional bodyguarding and Mixed Martial Arts to a Master’s Degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine and meditation, Traver counsels men, women, and couples on how to better understand men’s mental health and relationship difficulties.

In this episode, originally recorded as a live-class episode of Traver's podcast. Raw and unfiltered, Madelyn and Traver discuss artistry and generosity, purity culture, sensuality, how to make art in triggered moments, polarity, devotion, and healing the wounds that are keeping us at a distance from those we want to love and love well.

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Show Notes:

  • Traver will also appear on Mind Body Musings soon.
  • Speaking to an audience who may be unfamiliar with her, Madelyn discusses her study in yogic intimacy and her upbringing in purity culture.
  • Purity culture is essentially slut-shaming at its core, wholesale denial of feminine sexuality.
  • An extension of this is also the way that women speak of each other and their gender. "I'm not like most girls," or, "Don't worry; I'm not crazy."
  • During her time in bodybuilding, Madelyn found that having been raised to believe and assume that men are "better" than women was contributing to her building physical armor around her emotional truth.
  • Being unable to cope with the "curvature of life" manifested as OCD; living through an eating disorder manifested because of being unable to cope with the curvature of body.
  • A woman revealing to her partner the part of her that is "lost," she is letting go of everything her body has been taught/forced/compelled to do.
  • Being able to be sharp and then go into softness is part of the privilege of being a man.
  • Richard Rudd - The Gene Keys - the highest form of love is to arrive just as you are, beyond the things you're into, beyond what you're practicing. "I don't need you to do anything." More Richard Rudd here:
  • Madelyn explores the concept of approaching dating as a practice - holding your body to transmit, "I'm open. I'm present."
  • One of the primary masculine challenges - there's tremendous anger toward the feminine in the masculine.
  • "Entitlement is a big piece of what men need to work through."
  • Three Stages of Communication
  • Based on The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida
  • First Stage: Reactive, the way most people are interacting.
  • When one feels triggered, repressive reaction, silent treatment, withholding love, punishing, spiritual bypassing.
  • Second Stage: Everyone needs more of this - talk therapy, clear, "When you did X, I felt Y, and I desire ..."
  • This is formatted and structured - very much in the masculine domain.
  • Third Stage: revealing truth as a gift to our partner.
  • Instead of an accusatory, "You always do this to me," transformed into a statement in the name of love, with love.
  • Madelyn has worked on connecting to the part of her that's heartbroken. The heartbroken part is the same part that wants to be an offering.
  • "There's no part of heartbroken-ness that wants distance.
  • The first step of elevating relationship into artistry: Recognize your complaint in the relationship.
  • Madelyn is incubating the idea of some sort of show related to her work - polarity dating show? Let us know if you have any producer contacts!

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