How To Work Out What You Really Want

The Positive Pants Podcast

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So, you’ve realised you’re not exactly living how you want to...or doing what you want to...what now?!

This is a question that came up from one of my lovely listeners and I thought it was actually the perfect time to cover it, what with all the waking up to our unconscious thoughts and all that.

With so many people realising they may have followed a path that was from someone else’s idea of what the ‘right’ thing to do was, or someone else’s idea of what’s possible and not their own, it’s time to have a little chat.

There’s a couple of camps you may be in right now as I know I have lots of listeners who already have businesses, and lots who want to start one...or achieve something big at least.

So, you might be in camp one where you listened to your parents idea of what success ‘should’ look like. Or your siblings, teachers etc. Authority figures from when you’re young.

So you go along with it, go through school, pick your GCSEs, A-Levels, Go to University, start at the bottom of the corporate ladder and work your way up. Right?

You’ve ticked all the boxes so you should be happy right?

No?

So what gives?!

I see this happening a LOT to people in their 30s and 40s. I was one of them! That tug towards knowing you’re capable of more, but no idea what that is or where the heck to start!

It’s confusing because you followed the plan.

You’re doing what you’ve always done, you don’t want to start ‘from scratch’ again.

I hear you.

Then there’s the other camp who essentially tend to be the same people but one step further along.

You already started the business! But still, something’s not quite right.

It’s not what you thought it would be, or it’s harder than you thought.

You’re doing what you THOUGHT you wanted to do but you’re feeling just as unfulfilled.

You realise you based your business around what you thought you SHOULD do, rather than what you really wanted.

You realise it’s not exactly what it’s cracked up to be.

So what do you do?!

I mean you could throw caution to the wind, quit your job or burn your business down (metaphorically speaking) OR you could carry on, reframe what you’re doing right now, work out what’s in your unconscious that’s REALLY causing the feelings and THEN make decisions based on that.

So how do you start doing that?

Where did the path you’re on actually come from? Did it ever come from you? Or was it someone else?

What did you LOVE doing as a kid?

Where do you lose time? Where are you really in a state of flow?

What do you really want for your life? What are your priorities? How can you make what you do fit around that?

What are your non negotiables?

What hobbies have you got?

Take some courses and test the water. Use your job as your venture capitalist and start DOING things you’re intrigued by.

Do you want to re-qualify? How can you make that happen?

What does your intuition tell you? There will be this weird emotional pull to certain things, you may not be used to hearing it, or listening for it. But give it a try. What comes up a lot for you. Do you dismiss it because it seems wild and crazy? Do you dismiss it because you think you can’t have it or there’s no point?

What would happen if you just followed it?

What would you do if you know you couldn’t fail?

What would you do if you had a billion pounds in the bank?

What do you NOT want to do?

When I was in that position I did a few things, I'll let you in on them as you’re in my inner circle ;-) Then you can decide if it might work for you. Let me tell you there is some serious trial and error and willingness to fail thrown in here!

I wrote down all the things I love doing. As we’re getting to know each other more I'll tell you some of the thighs I wrote down.

I started this as a list and then fleshed out the finer details of my strengths and weaknesses for all of them ha! So left brained sometimes.

So, I wrote down a mixture of things I COULD do or SHOULD do and things I LOVED to do.

I wrote down marketing consultant - I’ve spent 15 years in media so I definitely COULD have done this but my heart went...Meh!

I wrote down antiquing...oh yes...i’m coming out of the charity shop and antique fair closet. I freaking LOVE me a bargain and when I find something I KNOW is special it fills my heart with joy so I thought about reselling on things like Ebay (back then there was no Facey B marketplace or any of these newfangled ones we have today.)

I wrote down jewellery designer, if you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know I went down this route and created my brand Francesca Grace….and quit it when it got too hard. If I knew then what I know now ha!

I wrote down coach or therapist. Helping people has always been a thing i’ve done, helping people think differently and to be honest it’s always been one of those ‘pulls’ I ignored. Even when we were doing careers quizzes as a teenager that’s what they were telling me ha. IGNORED and got distracted by jewellery!

I wrote down dog walker. Not many things bring me more joy than spending time with woofs! I had a grand master plan to combine products with dog walking. Then I got diagnosed with Arthritis and it was off the table.

My husband says I have a unique way of turning ANYTHING into a money making idea...even when people aren’t asking for it ha!

I had ideas coming out of my eyeballs.

I also had the limiting beliefs, stories and excuses to go with them. So bear in mind when you do this you’re going to start naturally unearthing them along the way.

I was awful to myself around all the reasons I wasn’t good enough or couldn’t do it. So I went with trial and error for a while.

So things to look out for when working out what you REALLY want.

Shoulds!!!

Coulds!!!

Can’ts!!!

Need tos!!!

Have tos!!!

I don’t know hows!!!

You want to look for the want tos! For the things that light you up and feel GOOD! That gets you fired up and excited and even if they seem out of reach right now, how COULD you make them happen?

What steps would someone need to take to get there (it’s handy to take the YOU out of the equation for this one so you don’t let your beliefs get in the way!)

You really can make a living doing pretty much ANYTHING these days so look for the evidence that it’s possible. The only limits are your imagination really.

So write down everything no matter how bonkers you think it sounds and start doing your research.

So whether you’re in the career and know it’s not right anymore and want to start your own thing, or you’ve built a business and realised it’s not for you...the same questions apply.

Really dig into what you love, what brings you joy. The important emotions!

The bottom line is, when you live your life based on other people’s ideas of what success looks like, or what the right path to follow is then you’ll suppress parts of yourself that don’t fit in with that. You’ve got to find what floats YOUR boat and what YOU think is right.

I’m not a ‘throw caution to the wind and burn stuff down’ kind of a gal. That can affect your relationships negatively if you’re not all on the same page, it often will catapult you into scarcity (which is the WORST place to start a business from!) once the initial excitement wears off. It leaves no room for experimenting. It leaves little room for curiosity. It leaves little room to make mistakes, to get things wrong, to fail and get back up.

People think those are the negatives but they’re the path to where you want to be...sounds counterintuitive but you HAVE to be allowed to get things wrong or you deny yourself the lessons and the growth.

It’s so, so, SO important to do something you actually love doing. Because it’s hard. There are ups and downs. You need to have fire in your belly and the motivation behind you to keep going through the downs.

Fx