Episode 306: Reframing Disappointment as an Actor

Acting Business Boot Camp

Book a Free Consultation with Peter

Today I'm going to talk about reframing disappointment.

One of my favorite quotes. It's from Dr. Wayne Dyer, he says “Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.”

And in reframing disappointment, we need to look at it in a different way.

So I'm going to give you a few tips.

I'm going to give you some Action steps to do when you face disappointment and hopefully that will help you to move through it because again, another one of my favorite quotes, again, a top five is Robert Frost, which is the “best way out is always through.”

So this podcast is about moving you through disappointment.

Number one, acknowledge the disappointment. And this is so important. One of my phrases that I teach is awareness, acceptance, and action. Obviously, you are aware of the disappointment, but you really need to accept it. And acknowledge it so that you can then move on through the rest of this podcast to take action to reframe it and also learn from it and move on from it.

So it's important to first allow yourself to feel disappointment, rather than suppressing it. Another one of my little phrases is, feelings aren't facts.

And also, feelings aren't going to kill you.

And also, this is survivable.

Whatever happened that's disappointing you, it is survivable.

But it is important to feel your feelings.

One of my favorite ways to feel my feelings, especially when they're a bit confused or jumbled, is to make a cup of tea and to start writing it out.

And I just literally do stream of consciousness. And it can be even, I don't know what the hell to write, I don't know what to do this is what happened and then I describe the whole thing and as I'm describing it, the feelings come out and hopefully some tears come out or some anger or I do a run or something like that.

But it helps me to feel those feelings because suppressing it is not going to help.

Recognizing your emotions helps you to process them in a healthy way.

Everything I just talked about is processing your emotions in a healthy way, which is the first step towards reframing the situation and moving forward.

So our first step is to acknowledge the disappointment. Again, awareness, acceptance, action, journal, those feelings out. Exercise those feelings out, but feel those feelings so they don't get suppressed.

The second one, a personal favorite of mine, although it's not very pleasant while you're going through it, is to identify the lessons learned.

I have said so many times that my biggest mistakes have been my greatest teachers.

Every setback is a learning opportunity and has a learning opportunity, take the time to analyze what went wrong and what you can gain from the experience.

You could've done that audition, did it to the absolute best of your ability, and still not have gotten the part. And you're like, you know what? I left it all on the floor. I did everything I could, and yet I still didn't get the role.

Maybe what you learned is, that's the level you need to be performing at because you know you can perform at that rate.

One of the things I think is so painful is living with the knowledge that you could be doing so much better, that you could be doing so much better.

Trust me, that feeling is so much worse than walking through your fears to reach your full potential.

That's so much more painful than being brave and best way out is always through walking through your biggest fears, because once you've conquered those biggest fears, then there is absolutely no limit to what you can achieve.

So that is why it is so important to take the time to analyze what happened and what you can gain from the experience, understand how you can grow from this disappointment or this setback really helps you to shift your focus from this being a failure, to actually an incredible growth experience.

And I know that's distasteful and makes you have just a little bit of bile in your mouth. But it's the truth. It's the truth.

Your biggest mistakes are your best teachers. But take the time to learn the lesson. So you don't have to go through it again.

Focus on what you can control.

Now big thing I talk about is the serenity prayer. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change other people, places, things, or situations. Courage to change the things I can. I can only change myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions, and wisdom to know the difference between what I cannot change and control, which is other people, places, things, and situations, and what I can manage and handle, which is myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.

Disappointment often stems from outcomes outside of your control.

That first part that grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Other people, places, things, or situations I can't change or control them.

What I want to do is to refocus my energy on what is within my power, which is courage to change things.

The things I can, which is courage to change, manage, handle my thoughts, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.

And by doing that, by looking at what is within my power, again, my thoughts, my actions, my attitudes, those things, those decisions, that mindset, by shifting my attention to the things that I can do something about, what happens is that I regain a sense of agency and purpose.

Also another tip is to reframe the failure as feedback.

Instead of viewing a career disappointment as a personal failure, reframe it as constructive feedback.

Again, what you can learn, and what you can gain, and what you can change.

Really get this disappointment as constructive feedback. How can you make it work for you instead of against you?

Ask yourself, what insights this experience offers and how can it guide you to further actions?

The next time I intend to fill in the blank, fill in the blank.

This perspective turns a negative event into a tool for, yes, you guessed it, Improvement.

Next one. Practice gratitude for your progress.

Often disappointment makes us overlook the progress that we've made so far.

I always talk about progress, not perfection.

Look back at your entire career journey and appreciate the milestones you have achieved. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. This will help you to keep a balanced perspective, reminding you that one setback does not define your overall success, or define you as a human being.

I am what I am. Embrace that.

And again, don't let this one thing define who you are.

Next one, we're getting to the last couple here, is set new goals.

Maybe you need to baby step it a little bit more.

Remember anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time.

Break those larger objectives into smaller, actionable steps allows you to rebuild your momentum and focus on progress rather than dwelling on past outcomes rather than dwelling on past outcomes.

You want to rebuild that momentum. You want to get yourself going again.

And sometimes by breaking it down into those bite sized pieces that you know you can swallow, those smaller action steps that you know you can take, you will achieve a little more self esteem to help you to gain confidence.

The ability to achieve those bigger goals in the long run.

It's like slowing down in order to speed up.

Next one, talking to mentors, peers, or friends can help provide a fresh perspective on disappointment.

They can offer advice.

They can share their own experience, strength, and hope, and remind you of the Truth with a capital T, that setbacks are common, are a common part of life, and also career development.

And also, support from friends and your mentors can help you to build your career resilience.

Last one. Embrace the long term view. A single disappointment is rarely the end of your career path.

OMG, when I was an actress starting out, I wouldn't get a call back and I would cry for days.

And then at some point I realized that if that was going to be my approach to my career, I wasn't going to make it to 20.

I was wrecked. I just would beat myself up terribly. Beating ourselves up. Stop. End beating ourselves to a pulp so that we feel we are such a horrible person is not the way to go.

We need to, again, take those little baby steps to build that self esteem. When reframing disappointment, remind yourself that success is a process and is also a long term journey.

This perspective helps reduce the emotional weight of short term setbacks and also reinforces your commitment to your acting career.