The Hired Swords is a Dungeons and Dragons actual play podcast with four knuckleheads and a sage DM. Roll with us as we TRY to survive and tell our epic tale of monsters and mystery.
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In a seat at the bar of The Wailing Griffon, a tavern in the slums of Ranara, an aging warrior talks as much as he drinks, and he drinks way too much. These are his tales...
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Season 3 Premier!Por Blaise Lacktis
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The Epic Bram Thunderfist receives ANOTHER fan mail, and answers a question from Brian. (Content Notes: Massive Ego, Salty Language, Highly Improbable Reminiscing, Fantasy Cliches) If you would like to ask Bram a question, contact him at bramthunderfist@gmail.comPor Gentle Fracture Productions
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The Job with the Slugs, the Hourglass, and the Misplaced Nipple Ring: Epilogue
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Once again, Bram Thunderfist Swordsman Extraordinaire is facing an impossible situation. Will he get out alive? Will he get paid? Will he garner the affections of Toni??? Find Out in the kinda-relaxed-but-still-Bram-being-Bram recounting of the Epic conclusion to The Job with the Slugs, the Hourglass, and the Misplaced Nipple Ring!!! (Content Notes…
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The Job with the Slugs, the Hourglass, and the Misplaced Nipple Ring
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After deposing a king and making off with a ridiculous amount of gold, Bram is hired by a Gnomish Lord for a curious mission. Along the way, he discovers the eccentricities of Gnomish culture. (Content Notes: Partial Nudity, Brief Body Shaming, Salty Language, Slug Sex, Squishy Moist Sounds, Profound Arrogance, Disregard for the Cultural Norms of O…
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The Epic Bram Thunderfist receives fan mail, and answers a question from Lady Breanna. (Content Notes: Massive Ego, Salty Language, Stories of Mass Death, Distasteful Magic Items) If you would like to ask Bram a question, contact him at bramthunderfist@gmail.comPor Gentle Fracture Productions
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Season 2 Finale. Season 3 Releasing SOON!Por Blaise Lacktis
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This is it. This is the hardest fight the Swords have had to face. Rise up. Be the light in the darkness or die trying.Por Blaise Lacktis
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A door lies dormant in the dark. It begs to be opened. What would you do?Por Blaise Lacktis
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The Job with the Ridiculously Large Tree: Epilogue
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Bram figures everyone has jumped out of an extremely tall tree at least once, but if you really want to hear how he got down, here it is. (Content notes: Extreme Athletic Prowess, Belching, Alcohol Use)Por Gentle Fracture Productions
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Down into the depths we go. Where we'll end up, nobody knows.Por Blaise Lacktis
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The Job with the Ridiculously Large Tree
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Bram joins his old friend Katrinka on a journey up and around a very, very, very, large tree. It's dragon killing time, and only one as supremely amazing as Bram could hope to pull it off. You know how it is. (Content notes: Fantasy Violence, Gory Sound FX, Sexual Innuendo, Mildly Salty Language, Alcohol Use)…
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The swords attempt to make sense of a civilization left to ruin. What is there to be learned from here? How will they bring to light so much lost and forgotten?Por Blaise Lacktis
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Unexpected voices have things to say.. Will *he* listen?Por Blaise Lacktis
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Destinations often feel so empty when the lives they harbored have been long forgotten. Listen as the Swords search and uncover more mystery about these dark miasmic lands.Por Blaise Lacktis
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Dreams are often a gift, some can be a curse.. For what is a nightmare to some, might be a revelation to others. Can the swords push onward in this dark night?Por Blaise Lacktis
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The Swords attempt to escape the trouble they walked themselves DIRECTLY into. I swear they'll never learn..Por Blaise Lacktis
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The Swords muster up the courage to delve deep into the burrows below the lost lands. Historically, nothing good came from tunnels in these parts..Por Blaise Lacktis
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The Job with the Keep and the Lake of Lava: Epilogue
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Apparently, some people don't understand how Bram could have extricated himself from the Keep of Somethingorother and Count Whatshisname. Well, Bram is about to tell you. (Content Notes: Fantasy Violence, Belching, Alcohol Use)Por Gentle Fracture Productions
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The Job with the Keep and the Lake of Lava
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Bram Thunderfist tells of his tale to bring down... Count Whatshisname! In an epic adventure of blood, death, and alcohol, he tells of his epicness in the only epic manner he epically knows how. You know how it is. (Content Notes: Fantasy Violence, Gory Sound FX, Alcohol Use)Por Gentle Fracture Productions
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Further into the forgotten lands the Swords explore the surrounding areas, uncovering the mysteries of Gwendolyn's heritage.Por Blaise Lacktis
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As the Swords approach the Forgotten Elven Lands, they discover clues about the lives that were lived here.Por Blaise Lacktis
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This land feels neverending especially when trying so hard to reach the Elven lands believed to be the long lost people from Gwendolyn's journal.Por Blaise Lacktis
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An animated mass of root and timber stands between our heroes and one of the long-awaited destinations lost and forgotten. To arms as the Swords must chop their way through this unnatural combatant.Por Blaise Lacktis
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The line has been drawn and the lives have been laid down to rest.. But who is to answer for this? Who is to pay the toll for what's left in these broken lands?Por Blaise Lacktis
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Wandering the Untouched Lands, soldiers of Helm, lost and forgotten.Por Blaise Lacktis
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After being ambushed in the Shadow Wilds, Davon managed to show his power and control of the arcane by Banishing one of the Shadowlings to an alternate dimension. Another fight survived and more understanding of what is in store for the Swords is just ahead.Por Blaise Lacktis
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Deeper into the unforgiving lands of the north the Swords are seemingly forever faced by sets of eyes watching their every move from around every corner.Por Blaise Lacktis
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YOU ARE NOT WELCOME YOU ARE NOT WELCOME YOU ARE NOT WELCOME YOU ARE NOT WELCOME YOU ARE NOT WELCOMEPor Blaise Lacktis
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Ep. 75 We Are Not In Fantasy Kansas Anymore
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57:35
Hold onto your Ruby Slippers.. We're not in Wildhill anymore...Por Blaise Lacktis
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With failed efforts to cross the raging river, it gave time for a familiar face to catch up with the Swords. They have given him a chance to speak.. but for how long?Por Blaise Lacktis
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With the Shadows subdued for now, we must make our way forward and across this stretch of river ahead.Por Blaise Lacktis
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Behind The Swords Ep 5 Season 2 Hullabaloo
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Join the Swords as we discuss all the hijinx we've been up to this season!Por Blaise Lacktis
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How do you kill the unkillable? For each strike we make, this creature seems to only become stronger..Por Blaise Lacktis
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A storm of darkness brews just beyond the horizon. Churning and toiling with evil intent. How often have you felt that bitter cold chill of despair? How many times has it taken your heart and frozen it solid, away from the world? Alone in your own misery. Unfeeling. Unrelenting emptiness.Por Blaise Lacktis
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It's hard to believe there aren't eyes in the darkness. Watching from the Shadows. Waiting for the Hired Swords to let down their guard.. They're not ready. Are you? -This show is created using Zencastr, an all-in-one podcast production suite! We love it and we know you will too. To try Zencastr today, visit https://zen.ai/thehiredswords for 30% of…
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After a night of challenges and mystery, the Swords continue on their journey.. Unfortunate for them, they're walking directly into the rising darkness. -This show is created using Zencastr, an all-in-one podcast production suite! We love it and we know you will too. To try Zencastr today, visit https://zen.ai/thehiredswords for 30% off and a 14-da…
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Gods, Gals, Guides and Glory.. This episode has it all.. Follow the Swords as they experience one of the largest Lore Drops they've experienced to date. -This show is created using Zencastr, an all-in-one podcast production suite! We love it and we know you will too. To try Zencastr today, visit https://zen.ai/thehiredswords for 30% off and a 14-da…
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I can't accept this. We've found no reason that so many lives were lost in this place. We scraped by yet another fight that could have expired Gwen.. It could have taken us all. So why here? There can't just be nothing. There has to be more than a cruel joke or is this really just a cave many swords were sent to as a means of execution. -This show …
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Ep. 66 But who will watch after Dale?
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Combating vines and poisonous spores isn't the dream one imagines when setting out to find their long-lost father. Hoping for a long-awaited reunion.. How did we end up here, mixed up in all this...? And how will we get out? -This show is created using Zencastr, an all-in-one podcast production suite! We love it and we know you will too. To try Zen…
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Down in the dark, dank cave of Lonely Hill lives the Mother of Spores. She knows your thoughts. She hears your dreams. "There must be no more She."Por Blaise Lacktis
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The Swords find themselves in this abandoned waystation. Filled with Mushroom Creatures and an air filled with thought-broadcasting spores. If whatever monsters await the Swords down below don't kill them, they might just be at each other's throat soon enough.Por Blaise Lacktis
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Ep. 63 Whatever you do, don't think!
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Don't think.. Don't think.. Don't think.. Don't think.. Don't think.. Don't think.. Don't think.. Don't think..Por Blaise Lacktis
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Following her instincts and voices from Dale, Gwen dives deeper into this mysterious cavern. A cave full of illusory magics and expired adventurers.. Hope the Swords brought their spelunking gear..Por Blaise Lacktis
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The Swords finally made time to rest in this abandoned camp, trying to ignore the darkness just beyond the trees that always watches and waits for the right moment.. That moment could just be your very next..Por Blaise Lacktis
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Hot on the trail of earlier adventurers, Gwen leads the swords to an abandoned camp. Hopefully, the things found here are enough to reveal the truth behind these happenings in the north.Por Blaise Lacktis
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Left in the wake of the argument, Joxxer and Krigs make camp and wait for the hopeful return of their friends. Passing the time is all they can do for now.. Have *You* heard of 52 pickup?Por Blaise Lacktis
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Long is the road and painful is the journey. There's only so long one can stand before the toll must be paid.Por Blaise Lacktis
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With visions swirling through the mind of Gwen, our Swords must carry on. What were these visions? What was this dream?Por Blaise Lacktis
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It's strange how easy it is to find even more reasons to keep fighting when it would just be so easy to be let to exist. To not spend so much time and energy on "fixing" this world. But I see my friends, and I want the world to be a bit brighter for them.. and I see these goblins.. they deserve to be able to thrive.. I'm getting oh so very tired af…
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Our Swords go Shopping.. or.. Stealing? You decide!Por Blaise Lacktis
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