Listen Up! The Art of Listening Well
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Ever wonder why people talk to themselves or their pets? It's because pets are great listeners! We can take lessons from our animals!
As executive coaches, we’ve tried to convey the value of listening to others for over 20 years! But how well do we do it in our own relationship? In this podcasts we share our own challenges with listening in our relationship and share some tips and strategies for better listening.
People are starving to be heard and for someone to listen to them wholly, unconditionally and without bias or agenda, especially if it’s a loved one. But, our tendency as listeners is to listen just long enough to solve or to interject our own thoughts. People are also in great need of validation and kudos, and part of the listening process is to also acknowledge what you’ve heard them say. This skill is almost as fundamental as listening itself!
There are many types of listening. There is surface listening, listening for intent, listening for what’s not there and even whole body listening! In our book Coaching For Commitment Simplified (available at Apple Books) we share five CLEAR Coaching Skills (Challenge, Listen, Encourage, Ask and Refine). Of these, Listen and Encourage are the most important and if you do nothing else, these will go a long way!
Sometimes people need to be HEARD and that’s all. As coaches we often refer to ourselves as trusted sounding boards. It’s also ok to ASK the person your listening to what their intent is in sharing. Do they just want to vent? Do they want your advice? Do they want you to ask some questions (coaching) to help them figure out their own stuff? This sets the tone for the conversation and makes it easier for the listener and the person talking!
People don’t argue with their own ideas and because of this, listening without an ulterior motive to fix or solve can do wonders for your leadership and your relationships with others!
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