DIVORCE AND SELF-LOVE: HOW TO BE CONSCIOUSLY HAPPY WITH THE IMPERFECT YOU, WITH KARL DUNN, INTERNATIONALLY ACCLAIMED MENTAL HEALTH DIVORCE EXPERT

Love University with Dr. Alexander Avila

On our Love University podcast, we had an enlightening interview with Karl Dunn, an expert on same-sex divorce and mental health issues related to divorce. Karl recounted the lessons learned from his own marriage/divorce and how “his marriage didn’t make him whole, but his divorce did.” Here is some of the useful advice he shared for how to have a healthy divorce:

*Be aware of the friend filter. Karl identifies three types of friends during divorce: Friends who are on your side no matter what, friends who care about you, but don’t want to be around your divorce (it brings up their own trauma), and “binge divorce watchers” who are hungry for the gruesome details for their own entertainment (the worst kind).

*Keep an emotional diary: As you go through your divorce, keep a diary in which you write down what triggers your sadness or anger (e.g. email from an attorney or your ex), why you feel that way, and what the Universe is telling you about the best way to respond.

*Expectations will kill you—kill expectations. The key to getting out whole on the other side of divorce is to minimize your expectations of what is just, fair, or equitable. Hire the best lawyer if you need to, prepare all of your documents, and see a therapist if you want more support. At the same time, be present in the moment and don’t let anger, fear, or hardened expectations take over your mind.

In the end, Karl says, he realized that he didn’t need a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to be happy. He was the pot of gold. He had the power to actualize all of his hopes and dreams and achieve ultimate success, happiness, and fulfillment. Karl counsels that you, too, can be your own happy ending, whether you’re married, divorced, or single; whether you’re straight, gay, or anywhere in between. Happiness is your internal gold—dig for it and you will find it.