MPF 305: Should You Correct Your Spouse?

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a mansion with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24

Summary

All of us do things that annoy our spouse. Occasionally, we do things that hurt our spouse and vice versa. How do we communicate about these situations? Is it effective to tell them what they have done wrong? Is that what the scriptures tell us to do? In this episode, we discuss what it means to take “extreme ownership” of our own actions and emotions before trying to “fix” your spouse. We believe that the key to a strong marriage is finding how you can support each other on the road to heaven - and that means having the humility to see your own weaknesses first and embracing them. Once you have sought forgiveness and healed the relationship, then a conversation about how things could have gone differently can be more productive. Listen in to hear how you can move more intentionally towards unity through communication and forgiveness.

Key Takeaways

• Couples need to take the principles of “gentle parenting” and apply them to each other! Skills like expressing empathy, giving guidance, and articulating feelings are all needed in marriage.

• When you correct someone, you put yourself above them. This is appropriate in a parent/child relationship, or even a boss/employee relationship, but really not in marriage where you have two equals.

• We can help our spouses to be self-reflective about situations by asking questions that can help them think about what they wanted the outcome to be and what actually happened.

Couple Discussion Questions

• What can I do better to help you in areas that you want to grow in?

• Who is challenging me? Who do I look to as an example, as a mentor to progress in holiness?

• How can my spouse help me?