"It's Not The End". Recovery after the Devastation of Stillbirth: KEJI MOSES of MAYAH'S LEGACY

BLUE MUMDAYS

In a very moving yet inspirational episode, I speak to author, podcaster and professional grief counsellor Keji Moses. Keji talks about her early loss through miscarriage and the devastation of losing her baby girl Mayah, who was stillborn at 35 weeks. She has since made it her mission to shed light on the mental health impacts of pregnancy loss. Through her charity Mayah's Legacy, Keji supports families affected by this very personal tragedy and helps them to advocate for the care they need.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Miscarriage and Baby Loss*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:16 ] Introduction to Keji Moses.

[04:35] Having her son, following an earlier miscarriage.

[09:12] The impact and loss of her first miscarriage. Lack of support.

[14:25] Keji's husband's reaction to the loss.

[16:52] Her pregnancy with Mayah - a diagnosis of Edwards' Syndrome.

[22:07] Knowing something was wrong. Being told there was no heartbeat.

[25:11] Saying goodbye.

[29:03] Starting her charity, 'Mayah's Legacy'.

[30:25] Equipping families for self advocacy.

[32:11] Channelling her pain into her creative offering.

[32:58] "It's not the end."

[34:13] A lack of support after Mayah's stillbirth.

[36:53] The need to put mothers experiencing baby loss on a different ward.

[39:20] Cultural attitudes to baby loss and mental health.

[42:30] How Keji's children dealt with the loss of Mayah.

[44:56] Advice for those who want to help a loved one affected by baby loss.

[49:13] The need for advocacy.

[54:06] Negative racial stereotyping within the maternal health system.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Click this link to find out more about Keji's charity, Mayah's Legacy
2. For Keji's empowerment tools for women on their healing journey, click this link to go to the Goddess Hub website.
3. Follow this link for NHS on Miscarriage information.
4. N.C.T. '8 Things That Can Help After Miscarriage'
5. This link takes you to the Blue MumDays episode with my lovely mum, Nina Spilsted - PND in the '70s: My Mum's Story
6. Tommys is the largest charity in the UK carrying out research into the causes of miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth.
7. Sands Baby Loss Charity is a UK charity providing information and support for those who've experienced pregnancy loss.
8. The Miscarriage Association is a UK charity providing further support for those experiencing baby loss.
9. Child Bereavement UK supports families and educates professionals when a child dies or when a child is bereaved.
10. This link will take you to information on Mayah's condition, Edwards' Syndrome (Trisomy 18)
11. The Ockenden Report in 2022 found "repeated errors in care" which led to injury to either mothers or their babies at Shrewsbury and Telford Hospital NHS Trust.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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NEXT EPISODE:

To mark Eating Disorder Awareness Week, my next guest is the awesome Hope Virgo, who chats to me about navigating pregnancy with an eating disorder. Hope is an author and multi award winning campaigner. Through her talks, Hope helps young people and employers deal with the rising tide of mental health issues. In 2018, Hope launched the #DumpTheScales campaign, which put eating disorders on the Government's agenda. Since then it has gone from strength to strength making change happen on a national scale, including a national march taking place in London on 22nd April 2023.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.

*** For support specific to this episode, see Key Takeaways ***

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: [e-mail]

Tel: [phone]

ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association

National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists

866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET

ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity

Call us - 0151 541 9020

Email - [e-mail]

AIMS for better birthing.

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This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.

Telephone: [phone]

You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/

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Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868

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Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering

evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy

and early stages of parenting.

App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides

24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK

email: [e-mail]

Birth Trauma Association

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CALM

Contact CALM

on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group

Email: [e-mail] (Liz Wise)

Mobile: [phone]

Contact: for families with disabled children

Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.

• helpline: 0808 808 3555
• website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family

www.cafamily.org.uk

Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.

Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association

www.clapa.com

Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

Dad Matters

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0161 344 0669

DadsNet

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Dope Black Dads

A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.

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Family Lives

An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

• helpline: 0808 800 2222
• website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group

Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.

• helpline: 0808 801 0366
• website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out

https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/

Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore

A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.

Email: [e-mail]

Gingerbread

Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.

• helpline: 0808 802 0925
• website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope

A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies

Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.

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Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)

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Maternal OCD

Peer support available, email [e-mail] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy

Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.

Email: [e-mail]

0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group

Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.

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Motivational Mums Club

Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.

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Music Football Fatherhood

Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.

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Muslim Women’s Network

Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –

4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,

and Bengali.

Email: [e-mail]

Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk

Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society

www.autism.org.uk

Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums

Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In

Clinic.

NHS

Contact your local GP surgery.

Call the NHS on 111

or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline

If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS

Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401

Email support available – [e-mail]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario

PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada

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Petals

Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy

or baby loss.

Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/

Email: [e-mail]

Tel: [phone]

PMH Support

Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran.