Ouch! That Stings! Why Rejection Hurts So Much (And How to Deal With It)

The Art of Manliness

“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love,” Charlie Brown once said. Indeed, being spurned by one's crush, or, for that matter, by a friend or potential employer, not only ruins the taste of one's favorite sandwich spread, but causes great psychological distress and even physical pain.

Here to walk us through one of life's worst feelings is Mark Leary, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, and the editor of Interpersonal Rejection. Today on the show, Mark unpacks the experience of social rejection, including why we're so sensitive to it and the emotions and behaviors it causes, which can be positive and prosocial or maladaptive and even violent. We discuss the role that is played by the sociometer, a concept Mark originated, in monitoring our social acceptance and rejection and what influences its sensitivity to fluctuations in your relational value. And Mark offers advice on how to remove some of the sting of rejection and civilly reject others.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Mark's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #725 — The Curse of the Self
• Simpsons' episode where Lisa breaks Ralph's heart
• AoM Article: Honor in the American South

Connect With Mark Leary

• Mark's faculty page