Off-Planet transmission 013: reeducation_beaches_antagonists

The Gonarch's Lair and Off-Planet podcasts

013: reeducation_beaches_antagonists It’s the end of term for one of our cadets, and we hear him disclose first-hand experience of our reeducation program to his compatriot: it was intriguing to witness a disarmed and honest assessment of our methods from one of the courses most mediocre students. We commenced with subject B as he has proven to be the most easily influenced, mainly due to his unusually malleable cognitive structure. The real test will come when we begin the same process with his associate, who presents more stubborn and immovable tendencies. I pray we won’t need to employ the Masters of Torment to encourage his cooperation, historically their loss rate is disturbingly high. The first topic of the day is beaches, and their correlation to the amount of stars in the known universe. Or more accurately, their known universe: while humanity’s scientists mapped and predicted a respectable portion of the void, they imparted a largely degraded knowledge of spacetime upon our patients. The participants comment on types of beaches, the natural processes that create them, and the various materials they are constituted from. The beaches on the planet we currently call home are supplemented with the ground bones of our latest enemies, due to it being the ideal exfoliant for our movement membranes. I believe the inspiration for the second subject they discussed was drawn from their first encounter with our species: which popular movie franchise killer would they choose to attempt to survive against for the duration of one Earth day? This quickly goes awry as they both attempt to find loopholes in the quiz, with claims they could actually become the aggressor in this inevitably fatal scenario. Once again they both demonstrate their rebellious nature, something our rehabilitation process has thus far failed to quash. One of the pair raises a popular conspiracy theory regarding humanity’s first mission to land on the Moon, the nearest natural satellite to Earth. If only they were aware of how integral the organic material their astronauts left behind was to us locating their planet, they wouldn’t question the legitimacy of mankind’s greatest achievement. Signed, An Observer Intermission: Broken Booster by rwlr