In the spring of 2019, after many attempts to sort through our differences, my adult daughter made the difficult choice to cut off communication. She tried to get her message across to me for a long time – without success. She repeatedly explained that she needed me to accept her new and different boundaries, for me to recognize her as an adult and for me to modify my communication style to be more respectful. She needed and expected change.
I wasn't listening and didn't recognize her increasing desperation was driving her away – to eventual and complete estrangement. It took months of cycling through disbelief, anger and hopelessness for me to begin to face my contributions to her decision to cut ties. Even then, as I began to accept my responsibilities, the pain, confusion and hopelessness were sometimes overwhelming. I recognized then, as I do now, that I was not entirely responsible for the fracturing of our relationship. But, in the years of silence, all I could do was work on myself – so I dedicated myself to learning, listening, reflecting, accepting, transforming and preparing.
Fast forward to today, and I'm happy to tell you that my daughter and I have reconnected. In fact, Brianna (she prefers Bri) is working with me to help others who want to prepare to reconnect. We work as family estrangement consultants, sharing our insights into family estrangement. We provide opportunities to heal by assisting people in understanding their communication styles and teaching practical conflict management skills that support effective reconnection strategies. My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this blog is simple. I am here with my daughter to provide hope, help and healing to people who want to prepare to repair.
When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-discovery - to prepare for reconnection - I'm here to walk alongside you. The When Our Adult Children Walk Away resources, presentations, conversations, and strategies to become the parent or family member your adult child is asking – needs – you to be. Though I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you prepare to reconnect when opportunities present themselves.
Now is the time to do your work – to reflect, learn and grow. And, by the way - reconnection does not mean our work to build a healthy, sustainable, mutually respectful relationship is done. It is only the start. In each post, I present and explore topics relevant to all who hope to reconnect with an estranged adult child or who are estranged from their parents. The material in each post relates explicitly to the messy and exhausting fresh hell of pain, isolation, and loss.
When Our Adult Children Walk Away provides judgment-free resources – this is a safe place - to listen, reflect and explore our most personal lives.