Depression and throwing away the container

Alchemy For Life

This is a separate article that goes with this podcast episode. it is not a transcript but rather an alternate summary of what the episode is about.

NOTE: Depression, and worse (the meaning of “throwing away the container”) is a delicate subject. The truth is that all mental health is a delicate subject, as is the psyche that we all possess and protect—voluntarily or otherwise. This is the fourth recording of this episode. Though I am no stranger to re-recording (I tend to re-record vs. edit to maintain the right flow) I’ve never had to re-record this many times. My challenge was balancing staying near my self-imposed 10-minute limit, sharing too much, treating the subject with the respect it deserves, and coming up with a meaningful, tangible take-away.

And that’s why I recorded it four times.

What is depression

Depression comes in many forms, and as with many states of being, there is a spectrum. We are talking about sadness all the way to the ultimate sacrifice. It is a sadness, a despair, and worse.

The reality of depression

The reality is that there is a lot of confusion and frustration. There’s clinical depression—some of it caused by external forces. There is sadness, despair, and thoughts of throwing away the container (more on that later). These feelings, impulses, and desires can form a vicious circle of a downward spiral. See below.

My experience with depression

This is one of the reasons I recorded this four times. How much is TMI, and how much is enough to help someone? I have experienced depression—due to situational circumstances. I have some times said, “I am too happy of a person to feel this sad.” I’m sure I’m not the only one that has a baseline happiness that is pretty high. But sometimes things get tough. Sometimes there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. When you have a pain that is so great you make the leap of logic and understand that these bad feelings—along with the good ones—are all kept in the same vessel, or container. So, logically speaking, if you get rid of the container, you get rid of the bad feelings and the unbearable pains.

The problem is that you get rid of the good stuff too, and the entire container.

Expressing your state of depression to others is beyond taboo for some people and is usually met with a quick solution as if they are helping you with a math problem. Most people aren’t willing to experience that level of empathy because sometimes there isn’t a solution. They are too content in their own bubble. So you suck it up and attempt to persevere.

And sometimes you just try to help others.

The reality is that just googling the S word throws a phone number into your face. But what if you just want to see what level of these thoughts is “normal?” The system is so concerned with preventing this that there is no middle ground.

I’ve said that it’s easier to get someone to talk you out of buying a boat than it is to talk to someone about the general concept of throwing away the container. And that’s all someone needs sometimes. So perhaps we should make this option just as available as the nuclear option.

Coping with Depression

Willing to throw out the container means you are willing to end it all to stop the pain. It’s logical—and you my not like that. But my counter-logic to that is equally absurd. If you’re willing to throw out the container for that reason, then why not do literally everything else to that end. Meaning, why not do a risk assessment, and do all the amazing things that risk throwing out the container?

Think about it—jumping out of planes, performing dangerous jobs, going on adventures, literally saving the lives of others—all could result in the same end. But you get to experience all of those things.

A sense of humor is one of the most powerful things you can have in your life. That, along with gratitude can really make a difference and not only break you from your downward spiral but can great the opposite.

The upward spiral. It’s so easy to go on a downward spiral—wow, they really hate me let’s think of the 27 other people who probably don’t like me, or wow, that was horrible, what other horrible, unfair things have happened. But what about the opposite? If you’ve heard the episode on the holy grail of positivity bias then you know what I am talking about.

It’s possible to create an upward spiral. Trust me. You’re that good.

The Depression Charm

As I said, this is coming full circle, because it was the symbol for suic*de that started me on the path. Since I disagree grammatically with what the symbol means, let alone the fact that I wanted to come up with original designs, let alone the fact that the people who created the original designs were rather litigious, I came up with my own design. This charm represents a sunset. But with all sunsets, it’s followed by a sunrise. In fact, if you take a picture of a sun and show it to someone, they will not be able to tell the difference between a sunrise and a sunset.

Thus the meaning of the charm. The symbol can tell you what you think is a downward spiral may actually be an upward spiral, that the dark time will be proceeded by a time of light.

Regardless of whether you grab a charm for yourself or others, just know that you are seen—especially in this middle-ground area. The holidays are a really tough time for more people than we realize. The tiniest act of validation can make all the difference in the world, and people in this state of being are not going to be broadcasting it to you. Or they did, a few times, and just gave up.

Don’t give up on them.

Resources:

The NIMH page on depression

The holy grail of positivity bias episode

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