In this episode, comedian and tea enthusiast Jesse Appell of Jesse's Teahouse takes us on a journey from studying Chinese comedy to building an online tea business. He shares how navigating different cultures shaped his perspective on laughter, authenticity, and community. From mastering traditional Chinese cross-talk comedy to reinventing himself after a life-changing move, Jesse and host Brian Lowery discuss adaptation and the unexpected paths that bring meaning to our lives. For more on Jesse, visit jessesteahouse.com and for more on Brian and the podcast go to brianloweryphd.com.…
Sometimes deep, often amusing, therapeutic chats touching on philosophy, spirituality, religion, consciousness, culture, music, dating, and life. Join Sam, Joe and Ali as they discuss the 10,000 illusions that make up “reality”. Musical theme by Ehsan Gelsi - Ephemera (Live at Melbourne Town Hall)
Sometimes deep, often amusing, therapeutic chats touching on philosophy, spirituality, religion, consciousness, culture, music, dating, and life. Join Sam, Joe and Ali as they discuss the 10,000 illusions that make up “reality”. Musical theme by Ehsan Gelsi - Ephemera (Live at Melbourne Town Hall)
Sam and Joe are back after a long break with a juicy quote from their old friend Carl Jung. Myths, archetypes, figures of light, dark caves with dragons and treasure, it's a wild ride. Enjoy!
What we take to be a self is tentative, fictitious, constructed by clinging, a temporary identification with some parts of experience. Self arises, solidifying itself, like ice floating in water. Ice is actually made of the same substance as water. Identification and clinging harden the water into ice. In a similar way, we sense ourself as separate. Jack Kornfield - The Wise Heart This realization that the separate self is an illusion must be one of the most useful things I've ever learned. I spent most of my life assuming that I was a separate self-contained unit and I felt disconnected from those around me. From the universe as a whole. But where exactly is this seat of the self? Where's the little Joe who's up there in my head, directing everything? Where is the seat of attention? If I look for myself, where do I find myself? I find a constant flow of sense data, sights, sounds, smells, temperature. I find thoughts. But who are these thoughts occurring to? As Jack Kornfield says, identification and clinging harden the water into ice. The closest thing I can find to a separate self is this contraction in my chest that seems to create some kind of locus in time and space. But actually I am in no way separate from the flow. This has been seen through for me in meditation. What I find in meditation, if I have a good session, is I drop into a much larger, possibly infinite, ocean of awake awareness. Which mostly has a fairly neutral quality, but there's actually a lovingness there. A gentle sense of support. And I find this encouraging to say the least. Of course, I have a social self and I need to function. And go to work and perform my roles in society. But there's no need to constantly reify the separate self, this particle, somehow split off from the rest of the universe. What I actually find is an openness, a sort of infinite openness, where I used to imagine my separate self to be. Jack Kornfield talks about ice and water. I've heard it talked about in terms of a wave. A wave that somehow thinks it's separate from the ocean. Or a sunbeam that's forgotten it's part of the sun. I'm a part of something much bigger than I always took myself to be. But it's also something incredibly simple. It's just the present moment. I'm not separate to you who's reading this. I really am just part of this flow. I only care about this because I guess I've always just wanted to know the truth. I guess I've always suffered feeling so separate from things around me. It's a great relief when I realize and drop into the fact that I'm this open, loving awareness. And I can then accept everything just exactly the way it is in the present moment. After all, what other choice, do I really have? Creators & Guests Joe Loh - Host This is part of an ongoing series of reflections by Joe on readings. He's also posting writing at https://joeloh.substack.com Image: courtesy of Craig over at https://wish-art.blog --------------------- More about the author of today's quote: Jack Kornfield (born 1945) is an American writer and teacher in the Vipassana movement in American Theravada Buddhism. [1] He trained as a Buddhist monk in Thailand , Burma and India , [2] first as a student of the Thai forest master Ajahn Chah and Mahasi Sayadaw of Burma. He has taught mindfulness meditation worldwide since 1974. In 1975, he co-founded the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts , with Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein , and subsequently[ clarification needed ] in 1987, Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California . Kornfield has worked as a peacemaker and activist, organized teacher training, and led international gatherings of Buddhist teachers including the Dalai Lama. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Kornfield Website | jackkornfield.com More about The Wise Heart…
The root of this physical urge is a spiritual one. The longing for an end to duality, a return to the state of wholeness. Sexual union is the closest you can get to this state on the physical level. This is why it is the most deeply satisfying experience the physical realm can offer. But sexual union is no more than a fleeting glimpse of wholeness, an instant of bliss. As long as it is unconsciously sought as a means of salvation, you are seeking the end of duality. On the level of form where it cannot be found. You were given a tantalizing glimpse of heaven. But you are not allowed to dwell there. And you find yourself again in a separate body. Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment This is the fifth in a series of reflections by Joe on quotes he found helpful or striking. He has some good writing over at https://joeloh.substack.com/ Creators & Guests Joe Loh - Host Internet Archive has a free version of The Power of Now at https://archive.org/details/ThePowerOfNowEckhartTolle_201806/page/n11/mode/2up Source: The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment presents itself as a discussion about how people interact with themselves and others. The concept of self-reflection and presence in the moment are presented along with simple exercises for the achievement of its principles. Published in the late 1990s, [1] the book was recommended by Oprah Winfrey [2] and has been translated into 33 languages. [3] As of 2009, it was estimated that three million copies had been sold in North America. [4] Author: Eckhart Tolle , Subjects: Spirituality , Psychology , 1997, Namaste Publishing, 1999 New World Library , 236 pages About the author: Eckhart Tolle ( /ˈɛkɑːrt ˈtɒlə/ EK-art TOL-ə ; German: [ˈɛkhaʁt ˈtɔlə] ; born Ulrich Leonard Tölle , 16 February 1948) is a German-born spiritual teacher [1] [2] and self-help author. His books include The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment (1997), A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (2005) and the picture book Guardians of Being (2009). Tolle came to prominence as a self-help author in the U.S. and internationally beginning in 2000, after Oprah Winfrey promoted his books in 2000 and 2005 and created webinars for him in 2008. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eckhart_Tolle A longer summary of the book here: https://medium.com/@saadwrkacnt/a-deep-dive-into-the-power-of-now-by-eckhart-tolle-ac6446b0aa7c ------------------ That's from Eckhart Tolle from The Power of Now. I've always had the sense when it comes to sex, that it's more than just a couple of animals, rutting. There always seem to be a lot more going on in that realm for me and I do think it is a sense of oneness. The self dropping away. A merging with another person. A deep connection that I really haven't found in any other way. But also maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm putting too much on sex, and it is just a physical act with no meaning. But when I found this piece of writing, it really spoke to me about my experience of sex. But as he says, it's no more than a fleeting glimpse of wholeness. An instant of bliss. There's a much greater oneness, that's quite hard to talk about, that can be referred to as non-duality. A sense of nothing being separate. A sense of only the world, the entire world, existing in this present moment. Which is really what the book, The Power of Now is all about. And it is a book I've re-read about four times now. He does a good job of talking about something that's very hard to put into words. But I really believe from my own experience that it's duality that is the illusion and it's oneness that is the truth. So all the separateness and loneliness and apartness that I feel, it's actually an illusion. That brief glimpse of heaven that can happen during sex, it's actually a glimpse of reality. It's actually breaking out of the illusion. But I know for myself, it can become obsessive to pursue those moments. And then I head into something which is more like addiction. And at that point, I'm even further away from the oneness that I'm seeking than I ever was before. I think there's an incredible power around sex and love and I think that I'm someone who's been sold a crock in terms of romanticism and the idea that the right person will complete me, make me feel whole and resolve everything. So it's this tricky balance for me of. Seeing the spirituality in sex. But realizing that for me, It's my spiritual life that's going to give me that sense of wholeness and oneness and connection with the universe. And if I keep trying to find it in fleeting moments of peace I'm only gonna end up unsatisfied. I know what it is to go towards oneness but it's not something that’s easy for me to explain. But I know what it feels like. And for me, it's really about seeing through the illusions and seeing through 150 years of romanticism and seeing through Hollywood and advertising and everything that's led me to believe that the only way to find happiness and contentment is to find the one. But the reality is I'm the one I've always been looking for and home has always been right here. And when I've looked for it in other places, other than deep down within, it's caused me so much pain. Really the majority of pain I've had in my life has been in this area. But the high’s have been high too. I guess for me, developing a spiritual life is about reassessing everything. Starting from scratch. And a reading like this really makes me question a lot of things that I took for granted. But also explain some things to me. Like, why have always seen sex is so profound and meaningful. When I know to a lot of people, it's just a bit of fun. And it's really no big deal. For me, I have unconsciously seen it as a means of salvation and I really hope that I can start looking somewhere else. Probably deep down within, for that feeling of okayn...…
“I have really found when I look around that the romantic love I see is this ideal, the anima . The anima is the ideal that you carry within yourself that you put onto the different entities out there and you unite with that. Pretty soon you see through the projection. And then what happens?” Transcript: That's Joseph Campbell from an interview he did. I won’t pretend to be an expert on what the anima is but I took note of this because it resonated with me. I can see that I've done this throughout my adult life. It's to project something, onto a woman in my case. And then basically have a relationship with that projection. And there's an incredible high that comes from doing that. And they become perfected in your mind. And quite often I can take photos of women when I'm in this state, they will be sitting in a café or wherever, and it will be a particularly attractive photo of them. And quite often they get some kind of high out of it too. But as Joseph Campbell says: “Pretty soon you say through the projection. And then what happens?” Well, in my case, what happens is I tend to end the relationship. And often the women are left hurt and confused about what went wrong. And it reminds me of the Joni Mitchell quote about monogamy and how if all you ever have is short-term relationships and casual dating then basically, you’re just dating yourself over and over again. Telling the same stories, revealing the same small parts of yourself, and having the same fun. Whereas to really go deep with someone and commit and really get into the complexities of getting to know someone is to have a much deeper experience. But I think that moves you past romantic love and chemistry and all the hedonism that's inherent in all those chemicals floating around. I think that moves you to something that maybe feels a lot more ordinary a lot of the time. That slow layering process of really getting to know one person. And sitting here now I can see that that is an ideal for me. The problem I have is whenever I meet a new person, I tend to project my anima onto them and have the same relationship over and over again. I’m trying to get out of that trap and move onto hopefully something more profound. Creators & Guests Joe Loh - Host Image by Craig: writing and sharing pictures of his current travels with the beloved missus and greyhound over at wish-art.blog ----------- Sam here. This is part of an ongoing series from Joe, of short personal reflections on quotes found during reading, usually on spirituality, and psychology. Joe is writing at https://joeloh.substack.com Joseph Campbell is also one of my go-to teachers. Not necessarily an authority on up to date folklore, but certainly someone who can open you up to new ideas and give you courage to face fears and challenges. Campbell has helped many people greatly with perhaps one the hardest things in life, to actually face our true purposes and choose to move towards lives of greater meaning and yes, love. Reading about anima/animus, I found an interesting summary of Jung's four levels of Eros (erotic romantic love) associated with development/integration of the anima. Maturation of romantic love felt towards women, moves from: 1. Eve: desire, needs, nourishment, security and love 2. Helen: recognition of women's intelligence, competences and achievements in their own right 3. Mary: Righteous, paragon of virtue: recognition of women's moral accomplishments I would say 4: Sophia: finally recognising women as wise and fully human, *gasp*, equal, and not at all an object. ----------- I also found Maria Popova's wonderful article in the Marginalian, a great match with Joe's reflection today. Reviewing Pathways to Bliss , Campbell's book on love, purpose and reality, she also quotes Anais Nin, Zen teacher D.T Suzuki, Stendahl, Dan Savage and the poet Rilke. Popova offers a striking synthesis drawing on many sources, persuading us powerfully that embracing imperfection and compassion is the path to love and meaning. Joseph Campbell on Why Perfectionism Kills Love and the Pathway to Bliss in Romantic Relationships Kindred Media has some powerful articles by Amy Wright Glenn , who works as a yoga teacher, doula and chaplain. Clearly she is someone who specialises in helping people at life's most difficult moments. She tells stories of love, grief, bliss and purpose. "Much of our experience of love’s intensity is due to our search for the other part of our original selves. According to Aristophanes, no earthly joy can compare to this reunification." I welcome the superb clarity she brings to Campbell's ideas and her own insight. While it’s human nature to sort through stories for meaning, I agree with Campbell about the supremacy of experience over meaning... Feeling is primary. Fully feeling brings integration and is the key to healing life traumas. Meaning comes later, if at all. Amy Wright Glenn in the same article, gives us a poignant outline of Campbell's notion of three kinds of love: Agape (universal sacred love), Eros (sexual), and Amor (romantic) with key observations about each. Highly recommended! https://kindredmedia.org/2015/03/joseph-campbell-love-and-follow-your-bliss/ Joseph John Campbell (March 26, 1904 – October 30, 1987) was an American writer. He was a professor of literature at Sarah Lawrence College who worked in comparative mythology and comparative religion . His work covers many aspects of the human experience. Campbell's best-known work is his book The Hero with a Thousand Faces (1949), in which he discusses his theory of the journey of the archetypal hero shared by world mythologies , termed the monomyth . Since the publication of The Hero with a Thousand Faces , Campbell's theories have been applied by a wide variety of modern writers and artists. His philosophy has been summarized by his own often repeated phrase: "Follow your bliss." [6] He gained recognition in Hollywood when George Lucas credited Campbell's work as influencing his Star Wars saga. [7] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Campbell For more great quotesfrom Campbell https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Joseph_Campbell…
To be a loving person is to wrestle with a profoundly improbable idea: that however modest our position in society might be, however much we may have been maltreated in the past, however mesmerised we are by the deplorable behaviour of powerful individuals, however shy and frail we are, we are constantly capable of causing other people significant hurt. Alain de Botton in A More Loving World: How to increase compassion, kindness and joy Creators & Guests Joe Loh - Host This is the second of an ongoing series by Joe: short reflections on quotes he captured and shared with Ali and Sam while reading (usually books on spirituality, psychology, consciousness, religion etc). Joe is writing over at https://joeloh.substack.com/ and it's genuinely sizzling stuff. You can tell he read Hunter S Thompson and Kerouac as a youngster, and since then I'm assuming he's read other stuff that sounds more mature, because his writing is kind of both of those things. It's present and truthful, and entirely unsentimental, but it has feelings in it. That link again: https://joeloh.substack.com/ - Sam Image courtesy of Craig https://wish-art.blog/gallery/ ____________________________________ More on the quote's source, A More Loving World: How to increase compassion, kindness and joy at https://www.theschooloflife.com/shop/a-more-loving-world/ An extract of the book is available at https://assets.theschooloflife.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/04143544/A-More-Loving-World_extract.pdf About the author of today's quote: Alain de Botton FRSL ( /dəˈbɒtən/ ; born 20 December 1969) is a Swiss-born British author and public speaker . His books discuss various contemporary subjects and themes, emphasizing philosophy's relevance to everyday life. He published Essays in Love (1993), which went on to sell two million copies. Other bestsellers include How Proust Can Change Your Life (1997), Status Anxiety (2004), and The Architecture of Happiness (2006). He co-founded The School of Life in 2008 and Living Architecture in 2009. [1] [2] In 2015, he was awarded "The Fellowship of Schopenhauer", an annual writers' award from the Melbourne Writers Festival , for that work. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alain_de_Botton More great quotes from Alain de Botton at https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Alain_de_Botton Transcript: That's Alain de Botton. And that really struck me because I think I'd always given myself an out. That it didn't really matter what I did. That I was a small and insignificant person. And as it says 'however mesmerized we are by the deplorable behaviour of powerful individuals...' It always seemed enough to just look at someone like a Donald Trump, and just be like, "well, I'm nowhere near that bad, and I'm also nowhere near that powerful, so the things that I do don't really matter." But as it says 'we are constantly capable of causing other people significant hurt.' I look back and see a lot of burnt bridges. And actually burning bridges is the only way I know to deal with a lot of this stuff. And I like to think that I have gotten better in sobriety and recovery. But I've always had an edge that's capable of hurting people. And I guess the point of this note and why I wrote it down at the time, and why it struck me so much, was this is the justification that I'd used for my poor behaviour in hurting people, that I was just a little insignificant ant. And reflecting on it now, it's partially that insignificance that led to some of the rage, that led to some of the bitterness, that led to some of the poor behaviour. So, I guess the thing that I'm trying to find now, is some genuine humility. And just getting myself out of the way and seeing other people, and other people have their struggles. And to quote Bob Dylan's grandma, that "everyone walks a hard road." And I know I'm not going to get this right. It's not going to be perfect. But this quote reminds me that I matter to maybe a handful of people, but to those people I really matter. And I have to be really careful to try to be kind wherever I possibly can. And it doesn't matter what's happened to me. It doesn't matter whether I've been given a diagnosis or I feel like I've had a hard time in life. It actually only matters how I act in the world. That's what I'll be judged on. And that's what I should be judged on. I need to get my thoughts right. And my emotions, right. And then hopefully my actions will improve.…
All that is necessary then is to rest undistractedly in the immediate present, in this very instant in time. And if we become drawn away by thoughts, by longings, by hopes and fears, again and again we can return to this present moment. We are here. We are carried off as if by the wind, and as if by the wind, we are brought back. When one thought has ended and another has not begun, we can rest in that space. We train in returning to the unchanging heart of this very moment. All compassion and all inspiration come from that. Pema Chodron - When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times (1997) This short episode is from Joe, intended as the first of many, reflecting on passages he took note of in reading. Next week's main ep will explain more of the back story behind this new project. Joe is writing over at https://joeloh.substack.com , and (Sam here) I say it's very good stuff. Very honest. Totally Joe. A rollicking read. Creators & Guests Joe Loh - Host Image: 'Calanais Stones, what a mystery' by Craig https://wish-art.blog/ ____________ ______________ About the author of today's quote: Pema Chödrön (born Deirdre Blomfield-Brown , July 14, 1936) is an American Tibetan Buddhist . She is an ordained nun, former Acharya of Shambhala Buddhism and disciple of Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche. Chödrön has written books and audiobooks, and is principal teacher at Gampo Abbey in Nova Scotia . Chödrön teaches the traditional "Yarne" retreat at Gampo Abbey each winter and the Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life in Berkeley each summer. (wikiquote) More Pema Chodron quotes at https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Pema_Ch%C3%B6dr%C3%B6n By the same author: How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind (2008)…
Romantic Realities: Deconstructing the Romantic Love Myth We dive into the misconceptions of romantic love prevalent in Western culture, drawing on a quote from You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships, by Richard Swartz. Get the book from Internal Family Systems Institute at https://ifs-institute.com/you-are-one-youve-been-waiting Sam mentions Let's Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice podcast with Dr Morgan, yet again, but actually links to it this time. https://episodes.fm/1496034764 to find it on your podcast player of choice. But I use and recommend Podcast Guru, and Fountain, available on all phones ... anyway it's a great resource on attachment theory, and if you end up taking a workshop let Sam know how it goes. Here's the quote: Our Western culture and many of the relationship experts in it have issued us faulty maps and improper tools. We've been told that the love we need is a buried treasure, hidden in the heart of a special intimate partner. Once we find that partner, the love we crave should flow elixir like, filling our empty spaces and healing our pain. We touch on: the usual gossip and personal experiences, in between the wise and reflective stuff. historic context of romantic love as an ideal likely role of biology in facilitating feelings of romantic love vs the grim reality of marriage historically, as the transfer of property between men romance in media the unrealistic expectations it sets reflect on the nature of love love's challenges the importance of self-love and realistic expectations in intimate relationships dynamics of attachment styles mental health, and the balance between self-reliance and being a good partner a broader contemplation of love's realities versus its cultural constructions Episode image: courtesy of Craig - read stories and look at more great shots at https://wish-art.blog/gallery/ The show cover is from the filming of The KLF's Ancients of Mu clip - https://www.theguardian.com/music/2017/apr/27/return-of-the-klf-bill-drummond-jimmy-cauty Show theme is from Ehsan Gelsi - he just dropped a new song video today - it's nice synth instrumental music. Watch the maestro at work over at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XN9XE0UKZDE 0:00 TTTT Is Love the Drug? 00:18 Myth of Romantic Love 02:10 Personal Stories: Rethinking Romance 04:53 Debating the Reality of Romantic Love 08:18 The Cultural and Biological Perspectives on Love 32:42 Navigating New Beginnings and Misunderstandings 32:54 The Journey of Moving In and Relationship Dynamics 33:22 Relationship Flags: Red, Yellow, and Green 36:10 Mental Health and Self-Awareness in Relationships 52:54 Reflections on Love, Choice, and Commitment (00:00) - Is Love the Drug? (00:18) - Myth of Romantic Love (02:10) - Personal Stories: Rethinking Romance (04:53) - Debating the Reality of Romantic Love (08:18) - The Cultural and Biological Perspectives on Love (32:42) - Navigating New Beginnings and Misunderstandings (32:54) - The Journey of Moving In and Relationship Dynamics (33:22) - Relationship Flags: Red, Yellow, and Green (36:10) - Mental Health and Self-Awareness in Relationships (52:54) - Reflections on Love, Choice, and Commitment…
Listeners are producers. Thank you for getting the show out. I reflect on my own podcast listening: helpful with insomnia, and a lifeline during tough times. Write me here Reading a wide range of listener notes, I respond and explore personal themes: vulnerability thoughts on how to engage usefully with attachment theory, to go looking for the things we don't want to say the two breakdown eps from Joe and Ali voyeurism: when is it okay to listen to people spilling about intense experiences I say it's because people pod with honesty, because they want to be seen and accepted, flaws and all, so you're helping. If it's feeding something exploitative, you'll feel it. Themes around speaking, activism, expression: the half-informed should speak, while being honest about their level of understanding, otherwise we will only hear from the powerful and the uninformed, who are never honest about their level of understanding middle-class white women do speak up a lot, but should continue to do so a brief history of middle-class women as key activists I encourage a writer who listens, to start a show, and offer support and advice to anyone curious about getting started Networked communal media not subject to the algorithm the communal, horizontal, networked experience of podcasts (listeners become producers, or step up to speak, in a mutually supporting way) audio over RSS: the last medium not to have been completely overrun by ads and algorithms open nature of podcast distribution via RSS feeds, Really Simple Syndication, contrasting it with highly vertical, platform-dependent media (LOCKED SYSTEMS = serfdom) commercial radio thrived on podcast-ish values before becoming a bloated ad beast a call for community support and contribution, reinforcing the collaborative spirit of podcasting listeners as producers, who contribute to the content and continuity of podcasts Value for Value, decentralisation: the philosophy we need for sustainable media in the age of closed platforms the importance of fearless feedback in all directions the democratizing power of podcasts under techno-feudalism Creators & Guests Sam Ellis - Host Art by https://www.instagram.com/schinacoy/ (00:00) - The Life-Changing Power of Podcasts (01:11) - Podcast Listening Habits (02:07) - Podcast Listeners as Producers (03:38) - Exploring Attachment Theory Through Listener Feedback (06:21) - The Open Nature of Podcasting vs. Centralized Media (24:18) - Embracing Vulnerability and Listener Connections (25:06) - The Power of Envy and Personal Growth (25:36) - Podcasting as a Form of Expression (30:02) - The Impact of Listening and Speaking (32:27) - Exploring Faith and Listener Feedback 00:00 The Life-Changing Power of Podcasts 01:11 Podcast Listening Habits 02:07 Podcast Listeners as Producers 03:38 Exploring Attachment Theory Through Listener Feedback 06:21 The Open Nature of Podcasting vs. Centralized Media 24:18 Embracing Vulnerability and Listener Connections 25:06 The Power of Envy and Personal Growth 25:36 Podcasting as a Form of Expression 30:02 The Impact of Listening and Speaking 32:27 Exploring Faith and Listener Feedback…
Thinking back on favourite films, it becomes clear what they say about us. Cinema, the Psyche, unveiling Inner Heroes It's always therapy and psychoanalysis around here, movies are the vehicle. Favourite films reflect deep psychological themes and evolving personal identities. What we once found aspirational in a character, we might later rethink, or realise it was not the healthiest hero to have. Others may have been right for the time. So we mainly talk about movies our younger selves were drawn to, Pulp Fiction, Terminator 2, The Matrix, Le Samurai, The Thin Red Line , Beaches, When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle , Funny Girl , ' Now, Voyager', All About Eve , and Stella Dallas. It's the usual mix of personal stories, and psychological insights, plus film analysis and some half-remembered film theory, looking at identification with film characters, self-perception, the making and collapsing of reality, and the separate self. We also touch on the gender dynamics in film identification, the concept of sacrificial love, and the role of cinema in shaping or reflecting social norms and personal dreams. It all brings us eventually to the universal quest for connection and meaning. We delve into how these preferences illuminate our aspirations, fears, and personal development. Creators & Guests Joe Loh - Host Ali Catramados - Host Sam Ellis - Host Image: still from C inema Paradiso (1988) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095765/?quot (00:00) - TTTT Film (01:23) - Deep Dive into Favorite Films and Personal Identification (03:28) - Self-image and cinema (07:33) - The Psychological Impact of Film and the Matrix Deep Dive (10:36) - Meditation, Reality, and Joe''s dis-Engagement with Cinema (14:41) - Heroism, Mortality, and the Essence of Cinema (21:02) - Heroism in Real Life vs. Cinema (22:59) - Reflecting on how Mortality impacts Film Appreciation (26:01) - Character Archetypes in Cinema (26:30) - The Impact of Nature and Civilization in Film (28:57) - The Power of Old Movies: Nostalgia and Reflection (30:20) - The Power of Melodrama: Reflecting on Personal Sacrifices (44:03) - Romantic Comedies and Their Influence on Personal Identity (51:06) - The Secret Hopes and Dreams in Cinema (52:55) - Concluding Thoughts on Cinema's Psychological Impact 00:00 Welcome: A Thought Experiment on Favorite Films 01:10 Personal Film Favorites and Identity 01:10 Deep Dive into Favorite Films and Personal Identification 03:15 Self-image and cinema 07:19 Psychological Impact of Cinema 07:19 The Psychological Impact of Film and the Matrix Deep Dive 10:22 Meditation, Reality, and Joe''s dis-Engagement with Cinema 14:27 Heroism, Mortality, and the Essence of Cinema 20:48 Heroism in Real Life vs. Cinema 22:45 Reflecting on how Mortality impacts Film Appreciation 25:48 Character Archetypes in Cinema 26:16 Nature vs. Civilization: A Personal Journey 26:16 The Impact of Nature and Civilization in Film 28:43 The Power of Old Movies: Nostalgia and Reflection 30:06 The Power of Melodrama: Reflecting on Personal Sacrifices 43:49 Romantic Comedies and Self-Discovery 43:49 Romantic Comedies and Their Influence on Personal Identity 50:52 The Secret Hopes and Dreams in Cinema 52:41 Concluding Thoughts on Cinema's Psychological Impact…
Do most straight men reserve their truest love and romance for other men? Marilyn Frye thinks so, and today we consider a quote from her classic book of feminist essays The Politics of Reality We found ourselves in agreement with Frye's observations. But we debate and detail the angles: Is heterosexual male culture (always) homoerotic? Do men save their 'best' for each other? Do many men find truer friendship with other men because they feel more comfortable around each other? Why? Is this a problem? How much so? Why would a man be 'less himself' around women? Is this because a man might be capable of friendship with women, but change his behaviour around a woman he wants to sleep with? Maybe it's heterosexual people thinking of each other as alien species that causes the problem? But does heterosexuality rely on just this, treating each other as alien and maintaining a sense of difference? Is there some anger, bitterness or frustration in the quote? Is the author a separatist feminist as Joe guessed? (Yes). What is romance anyway? Has the truth in this quote shifted over time? Is it also true about women and other women? And is it possible to judge those two realities by the same standard? Why are people on dating apps talking about polarity and being in their feminine energy? Do they just mean 'someone else sort everything out?' Are we at the point where we can begin to expect equal levels of maturity and responsibility from both men and women? " To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom the imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence, and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women, they want devotion, service, and sex. Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving." And if r/feminism is consulted, you will find much agreement there. As NoMommy- posted: Do men even like women? It doesn’t fuckin sound like it. I want to be with someone who likes me. Likes talking to me, likes my sense of humor, likes hanging out with me. Someone who, even if we weren’t together/he wasn’t attracted to me, he would still want to hang out with me because he likes me as a person. I want someone who shows affection and does nice things, not because he expects something in return, but because he wants to make me happy. Is that too much to ask??? I say this to my friends who date and they’re all like, “fat fuckin chance,” “good luck with that.” It’s just sad and frustrating The Ten Thousand Things, well, Sam would like to say to you in reply "u/NoMommy- I get you, cos that's what I want also. No, it's not too much to ask. It's not easy to create this reality for ourselves, but many men do feel the same way. Maybe all humans feel the same way. We all want to be loved unconditionally, but we fear that any love we get is conditional, and pre-empt or retaliate. It's not impossible to create this better love with others, but we would have to start with the assumption that everyone has been hurt, and we ourselves are not necessarily easy to live with. And we all wonder if we can ever really be known by others, and still be loved. If we were known fully by someone, we may fear that we would not be loved. Meanwhile, over at Good Men Project, Franklin Madison quotes Frye and issues a heartfelt appeal to men to have a high quality of friendship with men, but hold the same respect, acceptance and quality of friendship with women: We reserve real love for these men. For many of us, we “believe” love isn’t really what we transmit to the women in our lives. Imagine, if we loved the women in our lives the same as we love the men in our lives: We never lied to them; we always supported them; we listened to them; we took their advice; we truly respected them. Then and only then will we truly love these women whom we inadequately love now. Ther e, I said it. Live with it because you know as well as I do that’s the truth. He also urges men to be comfortable with the touch of other men and not deny it to themselves on homophobic grounds. https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/non-toxic-masculinity-male-male-affection-friendship-lbkr/ ----------------------------- More about Frye: Marilyn Frye (born 1941) is an American philosopher and radical feminist theorist. She is known for her theories on sexism , racism , oppression , and sexuality. Her writings offer discussions of feminist topics, such as: white supremacy , male privilege , and gay and lesbian marginalization . Although she approaches the issues from the perspective of justice, she is also engaged with the metaphysics , epistemology , and moral psychology of social categories. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_Frye After a bit more reading, I learned that Frye is a reference point for separatist feminists. As I understand it, separatist feminists are women who assert, with cause, that they should not put their energy, presence, love or even thoughts towards men. Men are not where they should invest energy of any kind, that they want to prioritise other women, particularly those who have been hurt, and particularly those hurt by men. There is a long history of women doing it for themselves throughout recorded human existence, and earlier still. Among our primate relatives, Bonobo chimpanzees have a society that operates through female bonds, and men must cooperate in order to have any stake in it. While among other chimpanzees each troop has a dominant male who keeps harems. The only way to access reproduction is to sneak around or kill or drive off the other male. I think the better choice here is obvious. Women often saw benefit or survival in in banding together: for safety, mutual aid, religion, and many other causes. Women have had to fend for themselves after abandonment, during peace and war, or after losing male family members to war, famine, disease, migration, economic collapse, husbands press ganged into the navy, or killed accidentally in work. As there are 'men going their own way' now, and perhaps there has always been. It seems in difficult times women support each other, and perhaps, so do men. But we also ...…
Moving from Fear, to Joy of Missing Out and beyond both. FOMO arises from projection and fantasy, as does a lot of the imagined enjoyment of the imagined pleasures. We might imagine that: everything we want is outside ourselves pleasure, meaning or peak experiences must be mediated by something: people, substances, or outside events that we have to follow a formula to achieve them We chew over the classic cliche FOMO of music festivals, and unearth some insights: the positives of turning towards your own priorities pursuing projects and personal growth brings the greater contentment 'projects over pleasures' the pursuit of meaningful experiences on your own terms or with people you care about sometimes the best music experience is going mental to a good tune where no-one can see Joe contends that beyond FOMO and JOMO is the flow state: the real peak experiences of life often occur in the flow state which has little to do with glamorous activities or what we have been told to want We touch on existentialism and some key FOMO psychology: humans struggle to reliably imagine their own future feelings to weigh the influence and impact of imagined events we struggle to accurately assess what others put on social media, obviously but this is also discomfort with our own choices we all carry the burden of choice, of what to value and pursue the existential problem of assigning meaning it's not easy figuring out what we really want it's difficult to imagine what will actually make us happy or bring contentment, and in a sense it's our life's work the choice to engage in fulfilling projects is seemingly more difficult and uncertain than reaching for known pleasures the boring thing is doing what we think we will be fun and assigning it a greater future value than it can carry the real boredom is not always in staying home and attending to our real priorities We harangue Joe to turn towards something he gets a lot of meaning from, passages from spiritual books, and reflect on those in a new podcast series, which leads nicely to some useful concluding thoughts the value of following quiet passions the liberation found in chosen solitude encouragement to make conscious life choices aligning with true desires Episode image courtesy of Craig. Check out his new blog, it's grouse https://wish-art.blog/ Creators & Guests Ali Catramados - Host Joe Loh - Host Sam Ellis - Host (00:00) - TTTT fomo jomo (00:14) - Welcome and topic (00:33) - Personal Stories of FOMO and JOMO (03:20) - The Cultural Phenomenon of Music Festivals (05:58) - Sobriety and Its Impact on Social Life (07:49) - The Shift from FOMO to JOMO in Adulthood (07:59) - Reality, Music Festivals, It's a Business (08:30) - Interviews with musicians (19:28) - Finding Joy in Simplicity and Creativity (24:42) - The Real FOMO: Missing Out on Personal Passions (29:48) - Embracing JOMO in Everyday Life (31:51) - Rediscovering Simple Pleasures (32:13) - The Pivot: From Boredom to Texture of Experience (32:30) - Mediated Experiences vs. Reality (33:14) - Body Acceptance and the Illusion of Projected Happiness (34:02) - Music Festivals and the Pursuit of Authentic Joy (34:52) - The Path of Personal Growth (36:19) - Embracing Individuality and Comfort (48:41) - Finding Meaning in Quiet Contemplation (51:01) - Projects over pleasures - the origin of Joe's new podcast (53:43) - Joe's new diet - and more origin for the new project (58:53) - Balancing JOMO and FOMO (01:01:17) - Concluding Thoughts on Personal Fulfillment 0:00 TTTT fomo jomo 00:14 Welcome and topic 00:33 Personal Stories of FOMO and JOMO 03:20 The Cultural Phenomenon of Music Festivals 05:58 Sobriety and Its Impact on Social Life 07:49 The Shift from FOMO to JOMO in Adulthood 07:59 Reality, Music Festivals, It's a Business 08:30 Interviews with musicians 19:28 Finding Joy in Simplicity and Creativity 24:42 The Real FOMO: Missing Out on Personal Passions 29:48 Embracing JOMO in Everyday Life 31:51 Rediscovering Simple Pleasures 32:13 The Pivot: From Boredom to Texture of Experience 32:30 Mediated Experiences vs. Reality 33:14 Body Acceptance and the Illusion of Projected Happiness 34:02 Music Festivals and the Pursuit of Authentic Joy 34:52 The Path of Personal Growth 36:19 Embracing Individuality and Comfort 48:41 Finding Meaning in Quiet Contemplation 51:01 Projects over pleasures - the origin of Joe's new podcast 53:43 Joe's new diet - and more origin for the new project 58:53 Balancing JOMO and FOMO 01:01:17 Concluding Thoughts on Personal Fulfillment…
Is Attachment Theory the new Myers-Briggs? No Is it helping? Yes! Is attachment also about friendship, family and self relationships? Yes! Is it the magic bullet? Kind of, if you study Attachment Styles in depth, and do the work It's The Dance of Attachment in Relationships! In our return to podding for a new season, (sorry to disappear, reasons!!) we explore the nuanced world of attachment styles their profound influence on our relationships and self-awareness We delve into the complexities of understanding anxious, avoidant, secure, and disorganized attachment styles tracing their roots back to early childhood and examining their impact on our adult romantic relationships, friendships, and the way we view ourselves sharing personal stories and insights we discuss concepts and strategies for navigating and seeking secure attachments in pursuit of fulfilling and healthy relationships we need: setting and respecting healthy boundaries for ourselves and others not to neglect our own needs which includes attending to security within being comfortable or tolerant of being alone with our own thoughts personal purpose and meaning, and not to seek this from relationships alone the distinction between being alone and feeling lonely and towards others: open, non-judgemental communication self-awareness the delicate balance between independence and vulnerability avoiding assumptions in communication and in interpreting the actions of others the value of approaching life and relationships with openness and mindfulness Yes it's all pointing towards the continuous process of personal growth and adaptation. Mentions: It was Tracy McMillan who wrote the blog Why You're Not Married https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-youre-not-married_b_822088 Warning: contains statements that will not be universally accepted, but some of her insights are worthwhile, based on three marriages, at the time. She talks a lot about attachment theory also https://www.instagram.com/tracymcmillan Let's Get Vulnerable podcast: https://episodes.fm/1496034764 Dr Tracey Morgan has a particular style, which I enjoy, and will grow on you, because she really knows what her stuff and it comes from hard personal experience, struggle and finally breakthrough. Promotes a paid program for women, with occasional male participants. Other excellent podcasts on attachment theory, by expert practitioners in the field: On Attachment: Stephanie Rigg is a good local voice. She experienced anxious attachment all her life, and her partner avoidant, but they have worked it through. Stephanie has great insight and advice, and also offers courses and workshops Trauma Free Relationship Tom Philip delivers very easy to follow theory and practice, bite size chunks, a nice-relaxed style informed by a long career in relationship counselling https://episodes.fm/1682090107 Trauma Rewired (season 3 is on relationships https://episodes.fm/1537602643 Episode cover art by Craig, https://wish-art.blog/ Music theme by Ehsan https://www.youtube.com/c/EhsanGelsi Creators & Guests Ali Catramados - Host Sam Ellis - Host Joe Loh - Host (00:00) - Attachment (00:12) - The 10,000 Things: Diving into Attachment Theory (00:29) - Attachment Styles: The New Myers-Briggs? (01:05) - Exploring Attachment Theory: Science and Personal Insights (03:14) - Anxious Attachment: Texting, turning into Teen Wolf, and Drowning Metaphors (07:13) - Disorganized Attachment: Navigating Dating and Self-Discovery (16:44) - Beyond Romance: Attachment in Friendships and Self-Care (40:04) - Navigating Attachment Styles in Relationships (42:01) - The Anxiety of Avoidant Attachment (42:48) - Exploring Past Relationships and Attachment Dynamics (44:56) - The Journey Towards Secure Attachment (01:00:25) - The Importance of Self-Awareness and Vulnerability (01:08:32) - Language of couples counselling (01:20:09) - Concluding Thoughts on Attachment and Personal Growth 0:00 Theme 00:12 Diving into Attachment Theory 00:29 Attachment Styles: The New Myers-Briggs? 01:05 Exploring Attachment Theory: Science and Personal Insights 03:14 Anxious Attachment: Texting, turning into Teen Wolf, and Drowning Metaphors 07:13 Disorganized Attachment: Navigating Dating and Self-Discovery 16:44 Beyond Romance: Attachment in Friendships, Family, Self-Care 40:04 Attachment Styles in Relationships 42:01 The Anxiety of Avoidant Attachment 42:48 Exploring Past Relationships and Attachment Dynamics 44:56 The Journey Towards Secure Attachment 01:00:25 The Importance of Self-Awareness and Vulnerability 01:08:32 Language of couples counselling 01:20:09 Concluding Thoughts on Attachment and Personal Growth…
Study envy to find messages from our future selves We unpack the role of envy, not as a toxic emotion to be avoided or ashamed of, but a normal feeling that gives us clues to understanding our unmet desires, unfulfilled potential, and prompting necessary change. envy vs jealousy. Jealousy is possessiveness, envy is wanting what others have, or wanting to be them becoming less envious of others as we get older the emptiness at the heart of existence remains in place no matter who we are or what we have house prices, salaries, wealth distribution complex, changing feelings, hiding then reveal the path to self-growth fitting in vs standing out being the object of envy being envious of contemporaries, such as friends, people we went to school or work with having envy towards our own partners bike shorts/yoga pants: acceptable clothing for everyone? getting beneath the surface of desire, wanting a greater sense of freedom gender and clothing: do women have greater freedom in terms of clothing? 'painful but necessary steps' Ali's dream of growing more of her own food self-envy, a 'better version of ourself' from the past Joe's epic case of personal envy towards a contemporary therapy: like cleaning a mirror, with the image becoming clearer over time. daily transformations that count towards personal growth the importance of casual conversations for therapeutic value Creators & Guests Ali Catramados - Host Joe Loh - Host Sam Ellis - Host (00:00) - Introduction and Welcome (00:28) - Discussing Alain de Botton's Quote on Envy (01:41) - Understanding Envy and Jealousy (02:05) - Personal Experiences with Envy (02:48) - Envy and Lifestyle Aspirations (03:24) - Debate on Work and Lifestyle (05:30) - Envy in Youth and Adulthood (05:55) - Envy and Money (08:49) - Envy of partners in relationships (11:32) - Envy and Personal Style (29:16) - The Illusion of Success (29:24) - The Changing Landscape of Attainable Dreams (30:04) - The Struggle with Identity and Expectations (30:20) - The Reality of Career Success (31:20) - The Shift in Perception of Wealth and Success (32:32) - The Struggle with Personal Limitations (33:34) - The Reality of Life's Unpredictability (34:30) - The Desire for Freedom from Wage Slavery (35:12) - The Struggle with Self-Blame and Helplessness (37:36) - The Journey Towards Self-Reliance and Acceptance (42:31) - The Power of Reflection and Self-Understanding 00:00 Theme, intro 00:28 Alain de Botton's Quote on Envy 01:41 Understanding Envy and Jealousy 02:05 Personal Experiences with Envy 02:48 Envy and Lifestyle Aspirations 03:24 Debate on Work and Lifestyle 05:30 Envy in Youth and Adulthood 05:55 Envy and Money 08:49 Envy of partners in relationships 11:32 Envy and Personal Style 29:16 The Illusion of Success 29:24 The Changing Landscape of Attainable Dreams 30:04 The Struggle with Identity and Expectations 30:20 The Reality of Career Success 31:20 The Shift in Perception of Wealth and Success 32:32 The Struggle with Personal Limitations 33:34 The Reality of Life's Unpredictability 34:30 The Desire for Freedom from Wage Slavery 35:12 The Struggle with Self-Blame and Helplessness 37:36 The Journey Towards Self-Reliance and Acceptance 42:31 The Power of Reflection and Self-Understanding…
Neurodivergence, New Years Resolutions, and Future Focus We welcome the New Year by evaluating the usefulness of New Years resolutions sharing the honest struggles we’ve had small triumphs Ali shares her journey to quit smoking and the strategies she employs. a positive version of sunk cost fallacy, where we are motivated to defend small gains and build on them https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost making excuses and justifications for not taking responsibility tricking yourself into doing things your mind is resisting quitting/reducing drinking cleaner living, bad skin after xmas blowout the power of vanity in keeping motivated Ali and Sam pleased about looking younger than some of the other school mums how the concept of future thinking and goal setting has influenced our lives touching on the psychology concept of ‘delay discounting’ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_preferenceas a key to understanding addiction, financial errors and not getting around to acting on our ambitions debate the relevance of the neurodivergent label for individuals and the three of us the present and future of the show. Our personal and collective mission, methods, and reasons for doing it. Meta pod discussion for the stans: As we reflect on our podcast journey, we contemplate whether to foreground our identity as neurodivergent individuals and how it plays into the show. We also share our ambitions for the podcast going forward, including our New Year resolution to de-emphasize diagnoses and just be ourselves. Sam digresses into the huge value gained from listening to niche and highly specific podcasts Joe advocates having ‘no angle’ and ‘no identity’ the value of anything should be in the doing, in the process. Bhakti Yoga and many other traditions teach we should not do things for reward, nor should we be attached to any particular outcome. Podding is more like a zine and having absolute intellectual freedom Success is to have critics as well as praise we express our gratitude towards our listeners and each other, and acknowledge the affirming impact of their feedback on our personal lives and our collective journey. Sam offers some recent pod finds that taught the wisdom of ‘I am becoming’ statements, versus ‘I am’ statements Creators & Guests Ali Catramados - Host Joe Loh - Host Sam Ellis - Host (00:00) - TTTT 37 - New Year New You (00:36) - New Year, New Me: Debunking the Myth (01:15) - The Reality of New Year's Resolutions (02:21) - Alis Struggle Quitting Smoking (06:04) - The Power of Incremental Changes (09:43) - The Impact of Habits on Appearance (11:59) - The Benefits of Sobriety (18:29) - Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with Alcohol (19:45) - The Impact of Alcohol on Mental Health (20:34) - Understanding Delay Discounting (20:57) - Delay Discounting in Marketing (21:32) - Delay Discounting and Addiction (23:28) - The Power of Visualization (24:35) - Overcoming Personal Struggles (26:35) - Redefining the Podcast's Identity (37:32) - The Value of Listener Feedback (40:57) - New Year's Resolutions and Personal Growth 0:00 TTTT 37 - New Year New You 00:36 New Year, New Me: Debunking the Myth 01:15 The Reality of New Year’s Resolutions 02:21 Alis Struggle Quitting Smoking 06:04 The Power of Incremental Changes 09:43 The Impact of Habits on Appearance 11:59 The Benefits of Sobriety 18:35 Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with Alcohol 19:52 The Impact of Alcohol on Mental Health 20:40 Understanding Delay Discounting 21:03 Delay Discounting in Marketing 21:39 Delay Discounting and Addiction 23:35 The Power of Visualization 24:41 Overcoming Personal Struggles 26:41 Redefining the Podcast’s Identity 37:38 The Value of Listener Feedback 41:03 New Year’s Resolutions and Personal Growth…
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